At the movies on Tuesday, Phillip, Stella, and I were able to catch a movie I’d been meaning to see. Slugger 2. The first movie, Slugger, had been made in the Seventies. It was about a kid that had gone crazy and took revenge on people by killing them with his baseball bat. It was because of that movie that I joined the little league team when I was ten. We even got to name the team the Sluggers. So, naturally, if a sequel comes out about my favorite horror movie of all time, I was going to go see it.
However, there were some important expectations I expected to be followed. In the original, not once did you get to see Slugger’s face. Maybe a sly grin, but never his full face. On his wooden bat was the word QUARRY printed in big, black letters. And most important, on Slugger’s jersey was the number eight, my lucky number and the number that was on my jersey, and the last name Curry, after the director’s favorite actor, Tim Curry.
As I watch, I go through this mental checklist, and after Slugger’s first attack, the new director had already broken three of the five rules I’d laid out. Slugger wasn’t even wearing a jersey, and his bat was metal and not wood like it was suppose to be. By the end of the movie, I was absolutely livid with the worst movie of all time. By the third victim, you find out, it isn’t evens Slugger at all. It’s some old, fat guy who turned into a new Slugger. Then, bring in the mad scientist to explain it all away. He tells about how his stupid assistant fell into some ‘misplaced, strange chemicals’ and just happened to be holding Slugger’s bat as he went in.
It was terrible. I was so mad, I was going to demand money back. Unfortunately, I’d gotten in free. Stella and Phillip got their best out the movie. They made out during the whole film. Lucky them. I was resolved, however, to tell everyone and anyone that wanted to see Slugger’s shitty sequel that it was the worst “horror” movie of all time and an insult to the original.
Slugger giving his bat away? Come on!
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