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I dont know what to do anymore... Sorry if I dont talk alot today. I just.. I've been... Hurt. I'm not looking for pity, just read.. I really thought I kew my dad, thought I could respect that man, love him, but right now he disgusts me. To the point where he reminds me of my real father. I'm not a horrible person, am I? Do I really deserve to be shouted at for just... Being me? It must be. It's all I've ever known. I must be worse than I thought I was. I just wanted love, and found that in Ethan. He made me happy. I guess I'm not aloud happiness, or something. My dad saw him and me laying together in the same bed (we clearly werent doing anything but laying there talking. It was obvious.) and fell into some kind of raging fit. He pullled me up and out of the room by my hair and yelled at me about how disgusting and wrong I was, and how "it doesnt matter if you're gay, you're not going to act like it in my house". He said that to me. Screamed it. He got in my face, and actually made me feel ashamed of being gay. Shame I've never even felt before, he put on me. Shame, even, of being there and alive, in that house. The words he used stung... I'd never seen him like that before, he rarely even raises his voice a little most of the time. I thought he loved me... I havent stopped crying since last night.. He made Ethan go home, too, that a***e.. I guess it's just my fate to be alone and miserable. I seriously thought about killing myself last night. I'm no stranger to thoughts like that, and it seemed like a pretty idea at the time. But killing myself... What the Hell would that do for me? It would only prove everyone right. Prove I'm weak, prove how much of a failure I really am, and I don't want them to win. I might be far from perfect, but I do the best I can, and that's enough for me. My mom is pretty pissed off at my dad. After I told her everything with my uncle and how he sexually abused me for so long, she's been really protective over me. She never cared when I brought boys home anyways, she just respected me and stayed out of my business. It doesnt matter what she says, though. My dad showed me his true self last night, and formed a permanent rift between him and myself. I dont know if or when I'll be able to trust his words and love again. I guess I should talk to him at some point. He needs to understand that it's not his house. Not his family, and not his life. He was aloud in by my mom. For a long time it was just her and me. They got married andhe joined us in our home. He's a ****** joke.. I call him dad, yes, but by no means does that give him fatherly rights. He is just my step-dad, nothing more or less. And I've typed way too much now, so I'm just going to elave it at that. For those of you who read it all, I really appreciate it. <3 Lune

Posted by: faggy muffin Sat Dec 16, 2006 @ 10:48pm

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ajsd husdf
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Commented on: Sat Dec 16, 2006 @ 10:57pm


	huggs he will get used to it.

Commented on: Sat Dec 16, 2006 @ 11:13pm


	That's really, really depressing.

[.Marilyn.Manson.]
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ultra-evil-pompom-X4
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Commented on: Sat Dec 16, 2006 @ 11:21pm


	Sweetie imma say this again. I wish i'd lived by you or you by me. I feel the same way. And tonight proved i dont have friends. People are greedy they want everything for them selfs and want it their way. And thats what your step showed off. Hes no good then anyother human. Im far from perfect also. And i know i am. I can never do anything right. And have way to much ****** st on my back. And its just like you. Bu tplease if anything, never think to kill yourself again. Even if its soo sweet tasting. Please dont, Even if you lost all hope to winnin. Love you. -Jay<3

Commented on: Sat Dec 16, 2006 @ 11:22pm


	I am so sorry to hear that Lune. I mean, that's just completely terrible what he did and no one, not him or anyone else, deserve to make you feel that way. Nobody should feel that bad about themselves for something that they can't help about themselves. I really do wish the best for you in your future. That the wounds people inflicted on you will be healed<3 That someone will love you enough to keep you as happy and content as you deserve to be!

SynthPop-Sicle.
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The_Martyr
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Commented on: Sat Dec 16, 2006 @ 11:50pm


	I know how that is... My parents have constantly yelled at me for being a failure...About everything I've done. Just ignore him, and if he gives you more st about him, just tell him it's who you are and if he doesn't like it, he can pack his st and leave. It's your mothers and your house. He's a guest. Hope this helps, lovey. <3 ~~The_Martyr~~

Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 12:35am


	Oh hun, I'm sorry that happened to you. Your step-father crossed a line that he should have never crossed. You should never feel ashamed of who you are and no one should has the right to tell you otherwise. And nothing should drive you to the point where you feel like you have to give up something like life. I hope things improve for you and that your step-father learns how to respect the fact that you are always going to be you. Until then, just keep hanging in there. We're all here for you.

M3II0
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- Dramaztikly Bbyz
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Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 01:34am


	Oh my God that is so horrible! But I know the feeling about the fighting and such...I can't seem to get away from it my home. It's a living hell half the time, my mothers the one who is judgemental of me though... Don't let ANYONE get you down about the gay thing either, it's just wrong for him to treat you like that...even if he IS your step father... NO ONE has a right to do and say such horrible things to you (including your uncle) I just hope that things get better... I'm sorry that happened. It's so sad, but if you need someone to talk to (if you feel comfortable that is) I'm here, you don't know me that well but I have been through some stuff like that (the fighting and all) and it's not fun in the least. hug <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 02:09am


	Oh my god..they do change when they get mad..don't they? I'm afraid of my father doing that to me..but kind of the oppisite reason. Good luck Lune. <3 Everyone deserves love.

.Glam.Trash.Kitty.
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`Sardonic
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Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 02:21am


	Wow, Dude, I am so.. Wow. I feel lucky to live with my family..Even through all the shame I've had, that's the worst. I can't believe your Step-dad did that to you. I am so.. Oh wow I can't say anything but.

Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 03:59am


	sorry to hear that. he never should have said that cause i bet that he has no ******** balls to back up wat he said

bloodlusting[gaara]
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Random Insult Generator
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Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 05:43am


	Aww. ilu <3 I thing I'd slap him if he did that to me. D<

Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 06:13am


	OMGosh! thats so mean... crying im SO sorry... you shouldnt EVER be ashamed of who you are... and yes... you ARE perfect in someone eyes... never doubt yourself... and just because your step-dad feels you shouldnt be gay... its not up to him... just be yourself, and be proud... its not like people just wake up one day and say, "oh! im going to be gay now..." its just who they are... and its not a fault thing... as for Ethan... make sure he realizes that some people are just... weird i guess... i dont know how to explain that... oh yea and... NO! you are NOT a horrible person! you are beautiful, inside and out... (i sound like a hippie... lol) your step-dad just doesnt understand... hopefully someday he will... i hope you feel better Lune... <3Saphire

Saphire Stream
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Alexiss~Darling
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Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 06:35pm


	I have a few things to say. 1.] I hate your step-dad. I hate my step-dad. But I hate yours more. 2.] I really really really ect. wish I lived by you so I could cry with you or so you could run away and hide out in my extremely large basement. 3.] At least your mom accepts you and like you said, it's not his house, not his family. You and your mother were there long before he arrived. 4.] You have soooooo much more control in that house than he does. Don't even let him think he has control over you. 5.] You're Lune. I mean, THE Lune. No one drags Lune by the hair....They don't drag Lune period. No matter what they think. He better get over himself. You are how you are and shouldn't change for anyone. Don't change yourself. People love you just the way you are. Luv ya loads, Lune!!!! Lexi-lai.

Commented on: Sun Dec 17, 2006 @ 09:06pm


	That is horrible, and it made me cry. D:

Dark Crayola Of Doom
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LadyHalftone
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Commented on: Mon Dec 18, 2006 @ 12:57am


	That's terrible and really upsetting... that things like this still happen. You'd think the world would've grown up a little. But it hasn't. That's why I'm in GSA so maybe I can change something... I'm really sad you had to go through that and he had no right to do anything he did. -hugs- I'm sure Ethan still cares about you though, and I'm so glad you didn't chose suicide.

Commented on: Tue Dec 19, 2006 @ 05:35am


	I read it all. ((I never read journals)) But yeah, that sucks. I didn't have to go through that with my parents, they just kinda accepted I guess. Although, can't say I've found too many relationships. . .

Pathos Genesis
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Queen Of Spiffy
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Commented on: Tue Dec 19, 2006 @ 08:27pm


	Wow, he is terrible. It's not you! Really, it isn't! Some people are just flaming bigots, and you've got to learn to live around them. I've heard of a family that has a Grandfather who spouts things about how the landing on the moon was fake and all that jazz... but then they say, "Oh, that's great. Pass the mashed potatoes." You should never feel ashamed of who you are. You are awesome.

Commented on: Sun Aug 05, 2007 @ 07:51pm


	Its not worth killing yourself. Next time you feel like killing yourself remember this: In forty years when you retire, video games will be 40 years more advanced. Now THATS a retirement! biggrin

Swirly Glasses
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