I miss Demetrius. I can't talk to him because his phone doesn't work, and sometimes I'll send him a text message and he won't send back. I think my lack of making music is finally getting to me. I haven't played my guitar for a month, and I'm dying without it. I don't have money to go buy strings (I broke one, got money to buy new ones, and broke one trying to put them on sweatdrop hey, it was my first time) now, and I don't know when I'm going to get money to buy anything.
This is our first Christmas, me and Demetrius, but I didn't have money to get him a gift, and I don't have anything to make one with...I feel so horrible. He has a present for me, and I cannot give him anything. I'm not even going to be here on New Year's...I'll be in Richmond with my dad and his family. I do want to go, but I don't want to. I don't like going places I can't easily escape from, and without my guitar, I have nothing to keep me from going insane for a week. I feel so empty...
It's so close to Christmas, and I'm so broken I don't give a damn anymore. I used to live every winter for Christmas. I loved decorating the tree with my mum and sister...all that's gone this year. I'm like a shadow of a shell of my former self. I miss being a little kid, but now all I care about is...well, Demetrius. I lvoe him to death, and I'd give everything to make sure he's happy. Being away from him tears the deepest gashes in my heart, and I never know how to completely get rid of them.
It's Christmas Eve, and I've been crying all night. I know why, and I've never been able to admit it until now. I'm lonely. I guess that's why I fall so heavily on my friends and Demetrius, out of loneliness. More so on Demetrius, though, because he is my closest friend, and he's the only boy I've seen grow into a man, the only man I love with all my heart and soul...I feel so empty without him sometimes, but I guess that's just my lonliness talking...
This is all for tonight...I don't think I could vent here. My problems would seem to remedial to you. My life, a mediocre disaster that was just waiting to happen...Whatever, it's Christmas Eve, I'll try not to feel like s**t for the next couple of hours. On Christmas Day, I'll have to feign happiness and deal with family...then when we get home, I'll have to do my History Fair project xd
Joyeux Noël, 私はあなたを愛しています, Demetrius.
[Merry Christmas, I love you, Demetrius]
Jay Ree Community Member 
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