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I am feeling very depressed. What would this world be like without me? ha the same as it is now. i have no blind visions of greatness, no ideas that hold value. Why do we as humans have the need to feel belonged, welcomed? Whatever the reason we all do. The majority of pple have best friends, friends that get u in only a way that someone can get anyone, perhaps moreso than a girlfriend/wife. Yet i am alone. faced to dredge this barren meaningless existance alone. People barely recognize me as i pass by. im just another face in a crowd. What's the point in continuing in the false charade called life? It is meaningless and tragically short. Why bother dealing with all the pain and agony of continued existance that life offers and the very fleeting joys that it brings? I have no visions of grandieur. I know my life will not be a life of importance. I will get out of college and get a dead end job and work to my death. In a world where everything is so dry, even people's hearts, whats the point? Hm would i rather feel pain than nothing at all? I feel unloved and unwanted. i have no friends, no girlfriend. I keep to myself mostly and dont bother talking much. whats the point in it? why talk when people hastily disregard whatever i say? Whats the point in living if i cant feel alive? i feel as if im already dead on the inside. I feel myself slipping away, giving into darkness. becoming less and less caring. Once a child's laughter used to bring a smile to my face now brings a tear. i don't fear death, i welcome it. i welcome the unconciousness. the dreaming in silence for eternity would be welcome, it beats witnessing men destroying each other over petty reasons and slowly leading down the inevitable road to extinction of the human race. However i do not believe in suicide. I find it as an easy way out. its easy to cease existing, its hard to continue to exist. I often wonder, what lies beyond this realm. Can there really be a heaven? That would be a nice thought, however it seems unlikely. I futilely continue to struggle through existance, alone and seemingly for little reason to. Why do i keep torturing myself like this? I dont see myself living to old age, something be it my hand or anothers will end my life prematurely. Which i can accept and am ok with. besides id rather have it that way than slowly feeling myself die and wearing adult diapers. I slowly feel myself losing who i am. But thats just how it is isn't it? Each man faces death by himself....alone.