Pain, without love Pain, I can't get enough Pain, I like it rough 'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all sorry, lyrics from a certain someone's myspace. anyway, my smilies, unicorns, hearts, plastic rainbows, rocket ships, needles, lyrics, fat kids loving cake, pink, glitter, and bright eyeshadow seems to have temporarily cut out on the endorphin rushes to my brain. i'm not feeling all that happy anymore. i fell like i'd just be playing into someone's hand. i'm angry. a little. maybe it's just confusion, but i'm feeling liek i'm missing out on something, and that i'm not the only one. that someone is hiding something and trying to keep it under raps for a couplemonths until i get boring or screw up and then i'm out. is that it? is that how you're dealing with things? because if so i demand to know. and i'm not kidding. i ******** swear, this is ******** retarded. i'm willing to give you achance and i really want to just ignore things and go back to fairyland where we were happy, then sad, then happy, then on the verge of depression, but we were together so i wasn't that alone. i mean i gave up a lot to get to that point and i liked it even though i hated it. you know in the past i was against "love" because i'd never seen it so i was convinced it was a commercial lie. well as soon as you'd proved it to be real you snatched it back. said you needed your heart back, that i should just "get over it". you REALLY don't know how much that hurt and i WILL keep going on about it because i ******** want to. THEN after your whole schpeel about "love is special, it's rare, etc." well whatever, i saw that was crap because after 2 days with your new girlfriend you were saying you "loved" her. why? how? i thought it was "special"? THEN you break up with her for me because you didn't "love" her. you "loved" me. well you said you loved her, and you said you loved me, and you changed your mind on both. and yet i'm giving you a second chance. but you really have no CLUE how :LLUCCKY you are for that. i'm NOT a forgiving person, and if you're ******** playing me like i keep hearing, wel i'll ******** kill you. actually. no. becuase, you see, i'm not like you. i FEEL emotions, not just type them on myspace comments like some meaningless greeting. and i'm SCARED to death that you're going to do this again. i'm freaking out after 2 days and it's not fair. not fair to me at all. things never are. god i hope you're not really doing this. really. ******** hell i don't want to second guess this and screw it up. i HATE being weak..or feeling liek it anyway, that i have to work my a** off just to stay on your good side, and i hate people who do things like this, really, ********. i don't even know anymore. i want this. i really want it to work. i want you to stay the hell away from me. i want truth. i want lies. i want to be happy. i want something to complain about. i want to forget. i need to remember.
.!conoclast. · Tue Jan 09, 2007 @ 12:29am · 6 Comments |