I have been thinking alot latly.
About life and all.
I think about how people change in life.
How in one day you just change.
Your whole life can change.
Your actions that you take can change things.
Your not the REAL you anymore.
No one really is the same.
One day someone can be all happy and enjoying life.
The next day you find out that, that person blew out their brians.
Then your life changes too.
You get a whole new understanding of life.
We all have an effect on other peoples changes.
We can either save someone.
Or we can let someone die.
Possitive?
or Negative change?
Choose one.
I know I have changed.
I think back on how good life was when I was little.
But then one day.
I got depressed.
I decided to start cutting.(I quit last November)
I use to steal my dads cigarettes so I can smoke.
No one talked me into smoking.
I just did it on my own.
I started drinking also.
It takes the pain away for a little bit.
Now.
I have no money for cigarettes.
I have been selling my Adderal pills and Vicodine for cigarettes, pot,and money.
I feel hopeless.
What have I become?
Where did all the good times go?
I wish I could take back time.
Change some of my actions.
Maybe I wouldnt be in this desperate state.
I feel so ******** stupid.
I dont really want to quit smoking.
But then again look at me.
I am 15 years old and I started at 12.
Im going to get no where in life.
Thats what people tell me.
Im not going to make it in life.
I know I wont.
So why am I here?
Where the ******** is time going to take me?
Im not going anywhere..but in circles.
Im living for nothing.
Im a no good piece of s**t.
I waste my life.
I waste it on things I want to be.
Pretty.Beautiful.Skinny.
I want to look like those girls on the magazines.
Im never going to get there.
No matter how many times I starve myself.
No matter how many times I steal diet pills.
I will ALWAYS be no one.
Fat.Ugly.
I have always wonderd that maybe..just maybe if I was beautiful guys will fall in love with me. Seems pretty, beautiful girls get that.
I am used. My body is used. Pretty and beautiful girls dont get used.
Maybe I should try harder.
Bulimia?
Or maybe I should give up.
Pull the trigger right now?
Get it over with?
Get something I will NEVER have over with?
Or maybe I should stay and suffer in life a bit more?
X marks the spot.
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ROCK & ROLL BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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