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Okay so lotsa drama lately ... I'll update you through various posts I have made on various forums in Gaia land ...


Jan 23 2007
Hey sorry for the blabber but I gotta talk to you all and get some feedback.

Lately I just feel like crap. Seems like everything is coming down on me at once.

First, the person I thought was the love of my life ditches me and proceeds to kiss another girl on New Years eve ...

Then after ending things with him, I meet an awesome guy ALMOST a month later and we start hanging out. Now we are just 'dating', but I can tell he is falling hard for me and I think I may be falling for him too ... but we are trying not to rush things. He and I are both already attached, I can tell.

Anyway the EX who cheated on me now realizes he cannot live without me has started coming to my house and s**t . Then last nite he comes to my frickin WORKPLACE and the guy I am dating is there to pick me up ... so that ends in the EX kicking new guys CAR and crying and s**t to my BOSS ... so of course I get a ******** LECTURE this morning ... it's not like I WANTED the ex to come here or to stalk me constantly ... I feel horrible for him and how he must feel but I need to MOVE ON ... and the new boy is helping me do that.

Now I have a bunch of drama to deal with at work because apparently the situation at work last nite with the guys made everyone 'scared' .. and I am worried I will lose my job ...

OH and to top it off - my 20 year old pal who I trusted and who WAS my dealer ... now hates me because I freaked out on him last night because he is now dating a 16 year old girl who I considered like my lil sis and he always told me he would NEVER be with her ... ******** liars. Now I need a new dealer .. thank gosh new boy has connections.

Later in the evening of January 23, 2007
Well ...

I talked to the ex tonight for first time in a long time ... because I don't say much when he just shows up unannounced ...

Basically told me everything I have ever wanted to hear ... but it was so sincere and so ... so ******** heartbreaking ... I don't know what to do now.

And this is just getting crazy. Cuz new boy is so awesome and lovely ... and I don't wanna hurt either of them.

I feel like s**t and honestly wish I could just take a shitload of some badass drug and sleep for a few weeks.

January 24 2007
If you knew what me and ex have been thru you would know why I contemplate being with him again .

Thanks for your awesome understanding Kae - you are awesome as always .

Sigh .

I still love him and I think I need to talk to him in person and s**t .. see where it goes.

We will see.

January 28th 2007
So I went out with the ex last night. Had some dinner and a few drinks. The pub was harsh playing 90's tunes all night long. It was pretty cool. It felt like normal again ...

The new boy said he doesn't want to talk to me until I know for sure what is going on with the ex.

I feel bad but hell, I have such a history with the ex ... I can't just throw it all away.



...


So yeah. That's where I'm at right now. I even got my menstrual cycle 3 weeks early due to stress. Hot eh? I hate all this but ... I have to figure out what I want and what I am doing.