im basically the eyes and ears of my house. mostly the ears. i listen to my mom and sis talk. when my mom comes home from work and she is mad or sad i try to comfort her by listening to her and making her happy. when shes sad and needs someone to talk to i listen to her. sometimes i get bored listening to her or maybe tired but i still listen. after my sis gets a lecture my sis will always come to me to whine about how she was lectured or yelled at wrong. sometimes i agree with her. but yet sometimes i wonder do i really agree with her or is it she sounded really sad and lonely that i pity her. i dont kno. my mom usually says things along the line of how work is really hard and how she has to deal with my aunts and uncles and other adult problems. and when she comes home to a house that is a mess and her 2 daughters do nothing but sit around and how disappointed and sad she is. on several occasion she was so emotional that she even said that sometimes she wants to jus move out for a week and live in a suite or hotel somewhere clean and where she doesnt have to put up w/ our mess. everytime when i hear her talk about things like this i feel really bad. i feel like im not a good daughter and that i havnt done my job. usually my sis talk is about how mom is not fair and how she always yells at her and not me. how mom loves me more than her. and stuffs like that. i do agree that mom does yell at her more but i think she deserves it sometimes. my sis does do nothing in the house. yeah shes really busy cuz shes taking all these hard classes and a college class and she is on the swim team. but this week we hav a 5-day weekend. i dont see her do anything in the house besides eat and watching korean movies on youtube. even tho i do it and i kno im bad 4 doin it-watching 2 much tv and spending a lil 2 much time on gaia. chinese new year is this sunday. mom has been badgering us to clean the house especially and at least the living room upstairs. ive been wanting to ever since yesterday. but all the mess is my sisters. how can i clean it???? i dont even know where to put it. so today i started to clean. i put a lot of my sister's books and notebooks in a box. but she got mad and started to throw things out and yell and fuss bout it. she is sooooo like my dad. i remember when i was a kid i'd visit my dad every other weekend. his apartment would always be a mess. never clean. we would always complain but he'll jus smile and tell us you can help me clean it. i remember on one occasion my sis and i did stack up some of his books so it be neater and more organized. but he yelled at us. when i told my sis that moms conversation consist of thoughts of leaving us for a week and not come home and/or sending us down to our dad's house to live and not having to care about us making a mess, her first reaction wasn't feeling bad or guilty for making mom feel sad her first reaction was its not like if we'd live with dad that she'd make the house all clean. she'd still make the house a mess without us or not. she doesn't hav time to clean it. but i disagree. one time me and my sis went to a church camp. and when we came back home the house was clean. of course the house didnt stay clean for long. and i dont think that mom loves my sis any less than me. sometimes i think mom looks at me more like a friend more because i have LOTS in common with her and we can talk for a long time. my mom worries about my sis a LOT. especially when my sis is out on the road. sometimes i feel a lil jealous cuz mom doesnt worry bout me a lot. they say that if u look strong and u can handle a lot not a lot of people care bout u because they think you can manage because ur strong and the weaker ones get lots of care because people know they cant handle. even tho the strong doesnt need a lot of care but sometimes they still do cuz the strong can fall sometimes. well i mite not be stong mentally or physically but i always have a smile on my face. im always happy cuz i dont find a lot of reasons to be sad or mad at the whole world. so lots of times ppl think im well off but sometimes im not. and so sometimes my mom doesnt worry about me that much. and my sis thinks that mom hates her. it hurts a LOT when i heard that. and when i heard my sis's reaction to what mom's conversation was i felt really sad. so sad that i wanna cry. how can my sis b so heartless. she didnt even feel bad. sometimes i want to cry. but i cant and wont. because unlike my mom and sis no one is here to comfort me or talk to me. i feel really lonely. really really lonely sometimes.
later
i was reading my past entries and comments. and i dont feel as lonely cuz of all the comments i get from my friends. epecially this one entry full of questions. it was a survey about me and u had to answer it. it had questions like do i know u and am i psycho, will u give me a hug and other questions like that. after reading all the responses, even tho there wasnt a lot, i felt a lot happier cuz i kno my friends will b there.
2 ALL MY FRIENDS OUT THERE THAT READ THIS I LOVE U GUYS A LOT AND IM GLAD I GOT TO KNOW AND MEET ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
few days later.
rite now i hate my sister. shes f****** pissed off jus because i cleaned the house and i cleared her stuffs. so f****** like my dad. get pissed off when ppl clean their s***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F*** my D*** sister!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F****** HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed stressed evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil evil MY D*** SISTER DOES NO F****** S*** AROUND THE HOUSE. SHE'S NOT F****** RESPECTFUL OR OBEDIENT TO MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and she jus left the house and i told her to be f****** safe out on the road. i feel so stupid for even caring for her D*** S***!!!!!!!!!! and shes like whatever. F*** MY D*** SISTER. I HOPE SHE GETS IN A D*** CAR WRECK AND DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN I DON'T HAVTA TAKE HER D*** S***!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lil_Dragon_Gurl Community Member 
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