I just feel like I'm spiraling down in depression.
For those of you who don't know...
I had P.E. two trimesters ago, and there was this guy in my class (let's call him, Nick.). We hung out a lot and had lots of fun, and we would talk about random things. About, a week before the trimester ended I asked what classes he had and he told me. "Well, I have... and.... and AS." Obviously, this confused me. "Wait, isn't AS for :insert year older grade than I am here confused " He blinked a couple of times. "Yes." "SO YOU'RE A YEAR OLDER THAN ME?" "... Yes?"
Well, that sorta made me mad. I felt like I had been getting to know him, but then...
I had been liking him for a while, but I didn't tell anyone. I then told Emily, my friend, and Mikela soon after. They kept telling me to tell him, so I finally snapped. I went "FINE. TELL HIM, DANGIT." Mikela ran over and told him. And he goes "Uhh. I just want to be friends...." Which, was fine with me. What WASN'T fine with me was that the idiot ignored me. All, the, freaking, time. It was really annoying.
That was like, five months ago. So, we ignore each other. A few days ago, I was in Spanish, when.. You guessed it. Nick walks in. This sucked, because we were taking our end of the year test that counted for half our grade. I gripped my pencil and I heard it crack under the pressure. I went back to writing. I could tell he noticed me, because his back was straightened up and he looked strained. Annoyed, I turned back to my test. After I was over, I turned it over and drew on the back.
Hey, I'm an "artist". It's what we do.
A few minutes later he picks up his stuff, and walks right past me. I stiffen, and glare at his back. He turns to my teacher, says "Goodbye." Turns around, looks around, me continously glaring at him. Then, he leaves. I tried to act normal after this, but I felt really bad. Spanish (my favorite class) was over, and that made me extremely sad. I can't take it till next year.
I've been feeling happier, but now, all of a sudden. I can't take it. The stress is driving me crazy, and I try to put on a happy face. Nobody has really noticed what's going on with me, because all the time on the bus I put my headphones in and just stare out the window. So it's not odd for me.
But, I don't know. It's been getting worse and worse.
My cousins are coming down tomorrow, and I TRY to have fun, really, I do. But I just, don't know. I feel sad and there is nothing for me to do. I'll read, it frees me from my body so I can just drift in the books. Fighting with Eragon. Giggling as Harry performs stupid things.
I just can't handle it anymore. Gaia is wonderful, and it helps... But...
Sometimes, I just want to scream. I want to break something....
I just want out.
@Edit
There HAS been other stuff driving me over the edge..
But I really don't want to talk about that.
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Tales of a Hopeless Love Romantic
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.Sm0k3y.th3.B3ar. Community Member 
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My best advice, though I'm a hypocrite for never taking my own advice, is to never give up. When you're upset, don't let the depression take over and swallow you up. I don't know exactly how I do it to explain, but I'll try.
Instead of succumbing to the emotional pain, look at a single point on a wall, box, dvd case, poster, desk, table, object in the room, whatever you have. Stare at it and tell yourself, not aloud or people will think you're crazy xD, that you aren't going to let yourself down. Tell yourself to be happy. Try smiling and thinking happy thoughts. If it's strainful, keep telling yourself to be happy. Don't stop until you can tell yourself to be happy, and test it. Find out if you are back into a good mood.
I know that while for some that seems like an easy task, and how for people who are under so much emotional stress it's easier to fly to the moon with makeshift wings alone, but you still gotta try. Giving up is the worst thing you can do.
Also, don't bottle it up. You don't have to vent it ALL out, just try to be healthy about both venting and bottling. If you have too much or too little of one of those, it just makes things harder to cope with.
Never resort to self-destruction, never give up.
I hope all this helps.
By the way, if you ever need to get a good read, I'm sure to know a good Dean Koontz book or two. ;3
Hope you feel better soon, Sm0k3y. I can't imagine a world without cheerful ol' you. crying crying