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I can tell you're in pain Josie. I'm not saying its bad to be - its completely okay to feel and to feel sad. Whats important is that we can keep these feelings from getting too out of hand and leading us to destructive actions. Its not bad to forgive. It's a good thing to be forgiving. Thats one of the most crucial lessons I remember learning in the Church as a child. But its also crucial to know when you are ready to forgive and to be able to determine whats standing in your way of forgiving. And its also important to make clear what has hurt you and what you are forgiving to other people. Otherwise the offense can be repeated and forgiving can become harder and harder to bear. I actually believe that enduring the beatings of the world can be noble in itself. That, in its own way, can be noble and courageous. The only thing that might need to be changed is that its important to make your hurt clear to other people if you don't want it repeated. And I know how hard the self-search thing is. I can tell that many of us are desperately struggling to find that. Even I am. There are times of doubt, where I wonder if I truly can do what I think I'm going to do. And whether or not what I want is truly possible. I can only imagine how hard it was to leave someone special to you. But you have to understand that not everything can be changed. Not everything can be helped. There are things we can control, and things we can't. I know its hard, but maybe this is something where you're just going to have to... "let go." Its hard, but unless you can contact this specific person and talk to them, I don't know what to tell you. Its your choice. If it helps, I'll tell you this much - Not ALL straights hate gays. I'm straight as far as I know, and I don't hate you just because you're gay, or lesbian or whatever. There's more to you than the fact that you like girls. There's so much more to you than that. So why would I hate you for something so harmless? Your parents might be shocked at first if you tell them. But if they truly love you, then they will eventually come to accept this. Or, you could just not tell them if you're more comfortable. But if this secret of you is hurting you, you'll have to tell somebody about it to get it out. I know it can be harmful to keep intence secrets and it can make you sick. I think it'd be best to keep this in mind in the near future if you still feel sad. Woah, woah, woah.... just like not all straights hate gays, not all Catholics hate gays... I'm am also Catholic and I do not hate gays. ^-^' (c)

It is definitely true that only praying can't always be enough. Espeicially if some of those cruel Catholics choose to be meaners toward gays in all other cases. Its true that people can pray and go to church and still be very evil. >_< You're not the one to blame Josie. The only thing that you are responsible for is seeing that you don't need to hold onto pain and can let it go so long as you want to and are willing to. If you need to talk to someone, that's okay. Its better than holding onto pain. Right now, you seem to be going through more pain than the general freshman girl. Other people just choose not to understand the sacredness or depth of what you cooperated in, and are dreadfully immature. Its something we can't change - these people have to grow up at their own pace and see for themselves what fools they are presently being. All we can do is forgive and hope that things will get better. We can only hope that somehow, all the strength we use to plow through the scorn will pay off somehow. Mr. Norman said that its those that make a stand in history that are always remembered, and therefore continue to exist on planet earth. Its hard and difficult and not a path that average people choose to take. That's why the daring are so widely recognized.

Well, I can't say I can relate, but keep searching for the answers to whatever life questions you've got. You'll find yourself eventually. =]

I always thought that freshman and sophomore year was a time of uncertainty, but maybe that's just me. (Haha, I went through this weird emo phase last year. Not fun.) Anyway, I'm going off on a tangent.

I also think that "what if" questions are most depressing. What if my family died? What if the world ended? What if my friends were kidnapped? What if...? We can "what if" till the cows come home. But the fact of the matter is, you are you, and the more you ask yourself these "what if" questions, the more you become uncertain of who you are. No one else can influence or change you but yourself. The past is the past. Take whatever lessons you can from it, and then let it drift back into your memories. Think about today and the future. That's what's important. Who you are today and who you are tomorrow can be two entirely different people. It's all up to you to figure out who you wanna be.

As for gays and Catholics, I think that may be a bit of a generalization. But hey, I'm not the most religious person in the world. However - correct me if I'm wrong - my understanding of the Catholic faith was that they supported gays, just not gay marriage. But it is true that there are some over-the-top Catholics out there. Gah, I despise those people. They give us Catholics a bad name.

Well, I think I've been philosophical enough for one day. This is what happens late at night...I think too much. I need to get some sleep. O_o I believe tomorrow will be a coffee day...

Whoa. Everyone wrote novels in response.

You can't help who you are, and you just happen to like girls. It doesn't make you any less of a person, it doesn't make you inferior, and you certainly don't deserve to be ridiculed or discriminated against for it. If your family wouldn't approve and you still think you should tell them, then don't tell them until you move out. That way, what they think won't have as much of a hold over you. As for the "weakness", there isn't really anything I can tell you; that's just your nature. People can be timid, selfish, obnoxious, bitter, and many other things.

What I can tell you is this. If you call yourself weak and vulnerable, you will be weak and vulnerable. If you believe the opposite, then things will not bother you as much because you know you can prevail.

Damnit, we're all human. And I have to just wait until everyone realizes that so that generalizations such as 'Streights hate gays' stop coming up. >.<*