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shelby's journal
eh tis journal is for my thoughts of the world, the people around me, and the places i have been. i will write peoms and possible short stories here. so have fun reading and i hope you enjoy...jeez this sounds soo lame
So many things to say, so many places to start,
So many things you did to hurt me.
Tell me why you did it, tell me if you meant to hurt me,
Tell me if you meant for things to get this far.

Did you really think it would last? That we wouldn’t find out?
Some of us wanted you to last.
Some of us wanted it to be you, the person who could
Save us from the world.

We wanted you to be there for us but you never were,
You’re a better liar than you think.
You made us all feel like this could be for real and you
Could be that one, but your just one guy.

And we are the ones you strung along in those lies.
The ones you thought you wouldn’t lose for a really long time.
We also are the ones you just lost.

.Now or Never.
Memories fade
They real thing stays
You leave without a single goodbye
You say that you don’t know
That you don’t think it will work
Obstacles are normal but causing them isn’t right
One week rolls bye
You know what your feelings are
I know what you feel
I can’t wait forever no matter what you think

But yet what ever you are around
My head floats to the clouds and my mind is open to new things
I have a place to belong
A feeling like no other is discovered
How could this not be right
How could all of this just fade away

You may say that you are done here
That you are throwing in the towel
But we both know that only time will tell what happens

Untitled poem 3
I held back but you pushed me forward.
I knew what I wanted and I knew what you wanted.
They were the same.
To protect myself was wrong when I live my life regretting nothing.

And now you are gone.
We had our last good bye and I wish it was not.
Our first was hard but our last is hardest.
I loved you more than you knew but I blew it all away.
To you it was just dust in the air.

Every minute that I laughed then was because of you.
Every time I smiled was because of you.
Every smile was because of you.
And now they are gone because of me.

I miss you and I know that you miss me too.
Of what little time we spent together it was all that I needed.
Why did I ask you back?
Because of the way I felt with you.

You gave me a place to belong.
A place where I was comforted when needed and laughing at anytime.
We held a bond so you said.
Miles apart and yet I still hear what you think.

Gun Point- the short story
Gun Point
The sat there in the room, quietly, making no moves. No one else was in the house. She was on the bed wearing no more that her bra and panties; a blanket was draped over her shoulders. He was sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the room, next to a window. He wore only his boxers. They sat there staring at each other. She scooted back to the wall and hugged her knees, resting her head on them. Minutes went by; not once did they take their eyes off each other, nor did they say a word.

The look on her face was regret as she thought about the fight they had just went through. So many times they fought but not once was like this. If she never had said “I love you” they wouldn’t be in this mess. But can you really blame her for how she feels? The words have been said though; they have made their damage, and none of it can be taken back. His reaction was not what she wanted and certainly not what she had expected. To say she doesn’t mean it, that her feelings are just getting in the way again. You would have thought that after three years of them being together, of just spending days lying in bed watching movies or sleeping, pushing each other around in the park, and then her favorite; the last kiss of the day before she fell asleep in his arms, that he would say it back.

Day after day he would say her feelings were just getting in the way. They would fight and make up an hour or so later. But there was something about this one that’s different. The girl sighed and looked over toward the door then back to him. Her mouth opened as if to say something then it closed. His expression changed from anger to sorrow. He stood up and started pacing back and forth. Her eyes followed him with every step he took. This moment had been coming for months now. She knew that she had to play her cards right to stay with him. One wrong move and he would pull the trigger turning her heart cold. That was just made. She didn’t think that “I love you” would be it. And now sitting there in silence was the only way she knew to fix this.

Softly, her expression changed to anger. Her mouth opened again and this time she spoke. “Why do I put up with this?” He stopped and looked at her shocked.

“First you say you love me and then you turn on me?” Tell me how you can do that,” he said.

She moved to the edge of the bed. “I’m sick of this!” she said, her volume growing. “How many shots do I have to take for you to be satisfied? What do I have to do to impress you? How many more years is it going to take for you to finally let me know how you feel?” He stood there with his mouth hanging open and anger in his eyes. “I love you to death and I try to show you the best that I can. At times it feels that you do too but when I finally get the nerve to say it…” she paused letting tears run down her face. He started to reach for her but stopped. As much as he hated to see her cry and he really did want to comfort her, there was the feeling that it was all going to end. She started talking again, “it seems to me that you are afraid to show how you really feel. Like you’re afraid to say it. And that not how you should be, not when you are with me.”

“I-I-I-I…” He started stuttering but she stopped him. She got up off the bed and started getting dressed. He just stood there not knowing what he should do. With in minutes she was leaning up against the bed watching him and he was finally realizing that he did love her but it would not work out because he could not change. He had spent 3 years trying to change her instead of realizing that he was with her for her.

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can go through this anymore,” she said, her voice filled with sympathy but kind of shaky with regret. Hs gave him one last kiss goodbye and walked out.

Every once in a while they would see each other. She was always with her friends who never did care for him and he was with his friends who adored her. Not again did they speak for fear of awkward moments. But he would look at her with sympathy and sorrow; wishing he still had her. She simply looked away with pity, trying to hide her regret. I guess they always knew he would receive the last shot.

With out lyrics you can’t have music
It has help from a metronome.
Some even has to do with ethnicity.
Some has a way of being fearsome.

It’s a beautiful way of expression,
A way of life for some people.
Some music will bring depression,
Others are just an unsolved puzzle.

It serves a purpose on Earth.
It’s impossible to ignore.
It brings wealth and sometimes breath.
And sometimes you can see the picture.

Music makes the world go round some say.
Who knows, maybe one day maybe some day it may.

You Will Never Know.
With this life I love the well,
Thy family is nothing to me.
When tears fall from eyes you are who I want.
A place I belong is not found with my friends,
It’s with you that I find my place.
The walls in which I fall asleep securely in
Break when you come around.
My mind is yours,
I will do as you please.
We have been through much
And we know more is to come.
You and I share a bond that cannot be broken,
It will only grow.
I have fallin in love
And will never be able to tell you how much I have.
Every breath is a memory of you
And that is how it shall stay.

My love anda flower
You offered me a flower,
And I took it.
I offered you my love,
And you accepted it.

We had some good times,
And a lot of laughs.
As time went by,
We got older, but still felt so young.

We were so happy,
We thought nothing could break us up.
I don’t know what happened,
I guess we finally grew up.

My love is no longer yours,
And as for the flower…

It sits on my desk,
Wilting in sorrow.
Reminding me of what could have been,
But never will be.

.Paper Heart.
So fragile my paper heart must be,
With every rip and tear my pain bleed right through,
Burning to the thought of you.
Every word wrote crumples it and throws it away while others rescue it.

Your pencil is in hand,
While my heart is waiting for the next knock off the desk.
The ink in which you’ve placed before is smeared by my salt streaked tears.
And yet my paper heart always floats back to you.

Exactly what I thought would never happen, happened.
I thought I was stronger
But I was wrong.
Loving you was not an option but a choice.
I would not get attached I said.
But that one kiss…
And now I’m stuck in your trap
Forever loving you.

.Karma(pain in the a**).
Like it matters what you say or do
When the cancer has already spread.
The tears in which you plan to cause
Will not come as you wish.

Take my things and call me names
I’ll take a hit and wince
But you will not find fear in my eyes.
Only strength will be there.

My time of silence has come
And soon yours will too
The tormenting has ended and now…
I just hope that one day you will feel as I do.

.Her Dreams.
Black stained butterflies
And blood filled souls.
An empty meadow
With a silenced forest around it.
A tear will fall down her face
As she sits there thinking of you.
How many times did you have to hurt her before she fell?
And did it make you any better?

She always said that she would run away with you
Go anywhere that you wanted.
Do anything for you.
But she couldn’t wait any longer, not for you.
To wait for you to realize that she was good enough and still is.
And for you to accept it.
Love at first sight is such a joke now.
She and no one will ever take you seriously again.

But what you haven’t noticed is that she kept you sane.
She kept your feet on the ground.
And she held you when you cried.
Your life might have been horrible then
But look at hers now.
You filled her life with things like no other,
Black stained butterflies
And blood filled souls.

.Gun Point.
All this s**t,
None of it’s real.
Never would we have thought it to end like this.
You walked out and slammed the door.
I sat there with watering eyes.

Your finger pointed at me for everything.
But then the gun was pointed toward me.
You were ready to pull the trigger and you would have if I hadn’t said those words. They fell out of my mouth and left you dumfound.
It was a mistake crawling back to you
Over and over again we fought.
Thinking it was bringing us closer
And for a while it was.
We should have known that one day we would break
I only wish we saw it coming.

Those days of just lying in bed,
Pushing each other around at a park,
Kissing each other good night,
In our eyes each other was the one.
And yet here we are
I pulled the trigger instead of you.
Who knew the words “I love you” would backfire.
I know you have regrets but you’re too scared to say them
I see you every once in a while
You look at me with sympathy and sorrow.
I look away with pity.
You had a chance and you blew it.
Now the gun is pointed at you and you’re ready to pull the trigger.

.The Poem.
The paper sits there.
As my hand molds to the pen
I breathe slowly,
And search the room for inspiration.
I see people talking,
Others staring into space,
And some are sleeping.
Nothing really catches my attention…
I reach into my bag and pull out my headphones.
My favorite song is playing.
I start humming,
My hand starts moving.
A spark has just been made
And a new poem has begun.

.They are There.
Death is nothing but an event in life.
You may cry and mourn,
Grieve for me if you will.
But they have lived their life to the fullest.
And loved it well.
They took some risks
And welcomed the consequences.
But now their time has come.
Although they are not leaving you all the way,
Just look back into your memories
And they will be there.

Friends will come and go as will pain.
Emotions are life,
And who you are is who you are.
Nothing will change.

My pain hurts less than it ever has before
And soon losing you will be nothing.
A few tears shed and a sigh when you are seen.
But nothing will ever change.
You will never be my air again.

untitled poem 2
His eyes were like stars,
His smile was perfect,
His features were even more perfect than a rose.

His touch…so gentle,
His voice…like a song moving to perfect rhythm.
And his kiss…made sparks fly.

He was mine and I was his,
We had plans and dreams,
Then it happened.
A bullet walked right up and shot him.

I screamed, he fell.
People ran calling for help…
He was gone.

My love is now playing games.
While he lies in the ground as a dead rose.
And I wishing he were here or I where he is.
Being scared to pick up a knife like a baby,
Being scared to be left alone.

.Life’s Lessons.
Hiding in a shell like a turtle is not how life should be lived.
Out in the open like a bird in the sky is how it should be.
Blooming like a flower in the spring.
Moving like notes on a sheet of music.

Minds think things that should be said.
But some could change your life in ways you never dreamed.
With others you could lose something or someone you loved dearly.
Either way you might win.

Time moves on by.
You could live in the past but then you’d never know what was in front of you.
Life is a gift, live it to the fullest.
Don’t leave it empty, fill it with stories.

Being afraid of everything means not taking risks.
Life is a test where every answer is right.
Fate is destiny.
What happens is your choice.

Love will come and go.
As will friends.
Don’t let the little obstacles become big ones.
The small situations always evolve into vast ones no matter what.

Regret stays with you forever.
Do it and love it.
Be who you are and be proud.
It is you every day life.

untitled poem 1
Emerald eyes turn red,
You sigh, and then kiss me,
It’s the same old s**t.
We put out a fire and a new one starts. Burning for days…
You hand slides down my leg and you go to kiss me aging.
I turn away and your lips brush against my cheek for a second.
I know where you want this to go.
Why ask what’s wrong when you know perfectly well why I am crying?
Don’t say you’re sorry, I’ve heard it all before.
By now I know it’s fake.
Just words that are easily said.
No hug, gift, or kiss can fix this now.
Just take my hand and show me.
I need proof that you really can change.
One more chance is all you get;
Do you really want me?

.My Tears and Their Story.
Never again did I think this would happen,
Not with you.
You were different.
Not once did I ever cry for you.
You said that you loved me,
And we had fun together,
Or so I thought…

But now it’s all changed.
You turned into one of them.
Someone who broke my heart,
And now I sit here shedding more tears than ever.
And each one will tell a story,
Some of past memories, and others of dreams.
Some of words that which you have said,
And others of just me and you.

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  • 03/08/09 to 03/01/09 (19)
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