I started writing in this journal in high school, keeping it updated randomly with what was in my mentally ill and unregulated brain at the time. Looking back on it knowing what I know now I see a girl who was struggling with her Major Depressive Disorder, her dads anger issues due to his illness, and repressed feelings for her best friend at the time. I watch myself in snippets go thru therapy, outpatient treatment, medication, suicide attempts, more medication, condependency on the first person to offer and romantic or sexual attraction, I see only the worst moments of that time with only brief snippets of happiness and I know there was a lot worse on my inaccessible MySpace page. I’m grateful I had the internet in high school, that I kept at least a little documentation of what I was experiencing, that I can look back on today as an adult.
My life update is this: I am 28 years old, I am out of my past relationship that was toxic and abusive on both ends. I have come to terms with my identity as a lesbian. I have a partner that loves and takes care of me, I have moved far away from home. I have a handle on my mental health as best I can manage, along with self awareness. I am at a place in my life where I am happier then I have ever been and mentally healthier then I have ever been. In the 10 years since my last update I ah e gone through so much, but since I came here to be with my partner, most of it feels like a lifetime away.
I don’t know how long this site will stay up, but I am grateful for what it has given me.
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