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It's not what it looks like, I swear.
And that just what you know
Slowly
Slowly, it's all slipping away from me; The times we shared, the laughs we had, the sad and the happy, the little world we had created.

There we some nights I would wake up, and admire you dreaming for a little while; then I would go outside and look up at the stars. I would realize how insignificant I was: I was a tiny speck amongst 7 billion people on a planet that sat in an unlimited universe with who knows how much other life out there. I could have been born on any of those worlds, among any of their people, or could have been any other person on this planet.

But there I was, a ginger in a set of pink teddy-bear pajamas standing outside the front door staring at the sky. And I would think, it had to have been a miracle, that, against all odds, and in all of the universe, I had found someone who made me feel the way you did.

And you really did. Out of every bit of life in existence, you reached out to ME. To some random person on some random rock in some random location in space. And it was a beautiful thing; the right place at the right time brought you to me and I would never forget it. You gave me the best 5 years of my life, out of CHANCE, and never in a million years would ever had suspected it possible; until it become my reality.

And then it all ended. Life went on for you, much faster than it had for me.

You see, I never really could let go.,,

But you knew that already.

Over a year has passed. And in that year, so much has happened. I lost my mother, I lived with a psycho, I broke down numerous times, but I kept moving forward.

But always in the back of my mind, you were sitting there smiling at me. Your beautiful brown eyes always looking into my soul, and touching my heart. There was a time where I refused to talk to you, but I got over that. There were times I was furious with you, but I let those go. There were times I was heart-wrenched; Those times stuck with me for a long time.

And then I found out that you wanted a child with someone who wasn't me. I died a little inside. We hadn't been together for a long time, but it still tore me. I didn't know what to say, what to do; I lost my mind, honestly, but I put on a façade to cover my emotions, and I kept smiling; A mask for my tears.

But then you did it, and I learned to accept it. Deep down in my heart, I know I never will fully keep this reality; some part of me that wants to believe it never happened and that the world was stuck in 2010 where I was happy. But, for the most part, I learned to forget my selfishness, my desire to be what once was, and continued moving forward.



And now, it slowly fades from me. The life we once had is becoming a blur; the pictures we took of our times together are all but forgotten, the feelings I had once are blocked out so I may never have them again. Everything is disappearing, so that I, too, may one day.

And then I can start over.





 
 
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