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back stabber

Sometimes, you look at a child, whining and crying to his mother because he can't have a piece of candy or the latest model car brat. sometimes you glance at those girl who seem to just have everything and it's never enough spoiled. Every now and then, we encounter those 'trouble children', the complex, dark, aggressive flunkies with a reputation for killing animals and tormenting little kids rotten to the core. All of these labels for children, teens, even adults with their fair share of issues. And we can easily name them, there's no doubting those brats and spoiled princesses, right?
But have you ever looked at someone and though 'rotten FROM the core'? I'm talking about those people we pass everyday, the people we love and laugh with, the people we view as 'amazing', 'great', 'charismatic', 'gorgeous', 'kind'...but internally, they're fighting a battle we have no clue about. A battle with a demon or two, selfish thoughts with selfish answers, people who seem to be all of these wonderful things, but they truely and passionately feel the exact opposite.
It's a sensation when they see a face...hear about someone or something...ACT upon something, make any sort of decision...and they doubt themrselves because they know it was they, THEMSELVES who made it. One quite literally feel as if they're rotting from the core, the stomach producing anxiety derived acids twenty-four/seven, waking up to a nauseous(sp?) twirling that they pray will settle, only to remember it's there for a reason. Guilt, shame, disgust, hatred, all directed to that oblivious face in the mirror. You know you've hurt people, you strive to make it better...but it only gets worse and worse. No one's accustomed to that desire, that pure, undying desire to always please, always help, always be there, to the extent that there is no longer a 'me' identity. 'Me', 'I', and 'myself' become foreign, selfish words. views become completely, unrealistically altered. Hipocricy is a way of life, it's the air they breath in the sense they will not tolerate someone helping them, they will never admit they're hurting because they believe it's a selfish act. and yet, the afflicted person will turn right around and try to be the helping hand, crying shoulder, and advice everyone else needs.


cold hearted

Even worse still...is when they go astray. when they let a selfish thought or two through, and suddenly it becomes habit. when they can look into a close, trusted friend's eyes and lie with the ease and grace of a gifted actor, with no more regret than a plant has for growing...when they learn to lie, they learn to manipulate. From manipulation, they can do anything, the jack of all trades...heart wise, the ace of aces, the selfish seductor or the center of popularity.


voodoo

Next time you look at me, look not with love, but speculation. who will I strike next?