While talking to my esteemed college...okay, maybe not...he began reading a bathroom magazine of sorts with dozens of wacky, out-there stories about ninety-year-old-women beating down bobcats and even an accident report that left me breathless from laughter. One of the common, but-ever-so-hilarious subjects that came up was Wacky Warning Labels, those hilarious, incredibly obvious labels that say all that needs to be said about our ridiculous, 'screw-every-motha-you-can' legal system. Here are some I later looked up, inspired by a laugh or two:
A label on a baby stroller warns: “Remove child before folding"
A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed "
A popular scooter for children warns: "This product moves when used."
A nine- by three-inch bag of air used as packing material cautions: "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device."
A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene."
The label on an electric hand blender promoted for use in "blending, whipping, chopping and dicing," warns: "Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating."
A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."
A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”
A label on a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping or unconcious”
A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”
The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”
A smoke detector warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.”
A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.”
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”
An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious”
A 12-inch rack for storing compact disks warns: “Do not use as a ladder.”
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use”
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”
A snowblower warns: “Do not use snowthrower on roof.”
A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”
A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.”
On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On a hotel provided shower cap:
Fits one head.
On some frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: defrost.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions - open packet, eat nuts.
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding
Product will be hot after heating.
On a hair dryer:
Do not use in shower.
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
Warning on an electric router made for carpenters:
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
Silly Putty package warning:
Not for use as earplugs.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Warning on a sharpening stone:
Knives are sharp.
Bottle water label warns:
Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.
On a box or rat poison
Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
Toilet bowl cleaning brush warns:
Do not use orally.
An electric cattle prods warns:
For use on animals only
A can of air freshner warns:
Keep out of reach of children and teenagers
Cheap rubber ball toy warning:
Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.
Caution on a package of dice:
Not for human consumption.
In the manual of a chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand or genitals.
Stamped on the barrel of a .22 calibre rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.
On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack:
Remove plastic before eating.
A TV remote controller warns:
Not dishwasher safe.
A Children's cough medicine
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."
A Cordless Phone
"Do not put lit candles on phone."
A CD player
"Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
A Hammer
"Caution: Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object."
A Halloween Batman costume
"This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."
A New Zealand insect spray
"Not tested on animals."
A Television Owner’s Manual
"Do not pour liquids into your television set."
A VCR box says
"Instructional video on hooking up your VCR included."
On a bottle-top of a flavored milk drink
"After opening, keep upright."
A camera
"This camera only works when there is film inside."
A can of windscreen de-icing spray
"Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."
A computer mouse
"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers."
A dishwasher carries this warning
"Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."
A helmet mounted mirror used by USA cyclists
"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
A snow sled
"Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."
A packet of juggling balls
"This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."
A rest stop on a Wisconsin highway
"Do not eat urinal cakes."
A sticker on a toilet at a public facility
"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."
A brand of Korean kitchen knives
"Keep out of children."
A Tampax Tampons package
"Remove used tampon before inserting a new one."
A rock garden
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth."
label on a kitchen knife that warns:
"Never try to catch a falling knife."
If you have 'wacky warning labels' you've found, then submit them to this site:
http://www.mlaw.org/wwl/
Winners of the 'Wacy Warning Label' contest recieve a grand prize of $500 dollars and the latest copy of their book, a humorous yet sad look at our legal system.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the accident report that sounds absolutely excruciating and at the same time, unbearably funny XD It is human nature to find the pain of others amusing (unless they be a certain MORGAN RODECAP in her fall down the stairs)
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause
of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work,
I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them i n a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building
on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied
the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175
lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed
in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my r ight hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great
deal of pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight
of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you
again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile
of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I l ay there on the pile of bricks, in
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and
let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you found both amusement and insight in this note. The moral of the story is:
People are stupid. People like to take advantage of/blame others because they're stupid. And of course, planning ahead is a good idea.
A label on a baby stroller warns: “Remove child before folding"
A brass fishing lure with a three-pronged hook on the end warns: “Harmful if swallowed "
A popular scooter for children warns: "This product moves when used."
A nine- by three-inch bag of air used as packing material cautions: "Do not use this product as a toy, pillow, or flotation device."
A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene."
The label on an electric hand blender promoted for use in "blending, whipping, chopping and dicing," warns: "Never remove food or other items from the blades while the product is operating."
A digital thermometer that can be used to take a person's temperature several different ways warns: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."
A household iron warns users: “Never iron clothes while they are being worn”
A label on a hair dryer reads, “Never use hair dryer while sleeping or unconcious”
A warning on an electric drill made for carpenters cautions: “This product not intended for use as a dental drill.”
The label on a bottle of drain cleaner warns: “If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product.”
A smoke detector warns: “Do not use the Silence Feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire.”
A massage chair warns: “DO NOT use massage chair without clothing... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving.”
A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, “Do not drive with sunshield in place”
An “Aim-n-Flame” fireplace lighter cautions, “Do not use near fire, flame or sparks”
A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use “while sleeping or unconscious”
A 12-inch rack for storing compact disks warns: “Do not use as a ladder.”
A cartridge for a laser printer warns, “Do not eat toner”
A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: “Not intended for highway use”
A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: “May irritate eyes”
A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: “Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.”
A snowblower warns: “Do not use snowthrower on roof.”
A dishwasher carries this warning: “Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher.”
A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: “Caution - Risk of Fire”
A box of birthday cake candles says: “DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.”
On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On a hotel provided shower cap:
Fits one head.
On some frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: defrost.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions - open packet, eat nuts.
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: Contains nuts.
On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding
Product will be hot after heating.
On a hair dryer:
Do not use in shower.
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs:
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
Warning on an electric router made for carpenters:
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
On a blanket from Taiwan:
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
Silly Putty package warning:
Not for use as earplugs.
On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Warning on a sharpening stone:
Knives are sharp.
Bottle water label warns:
Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.
On a box or rat poison
Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
Toilet bowl cleaning brush warns:
Do not use orally.
An electric cattle prods warns:
For use on animals only
A can of air freshner warns:
Keep out of reach of children and teenagers
Cheap rubber ball toy warning:
Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.
Caution on a package of dice:
Not for human consumption.
In the manual of a chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand or genitals.
Stamped on the barrel of a .22 calibre rifle:
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.
On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack:
Remove plastic before eating.
A TV remote controller warns:
Not dishwasher safe.
A Children's cough medicine
"Do not drive car or operate machinery."
A Cordless Phone
"Do not put lit candles on phone."
A CD player
"Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."
A Hammer
"Caution: Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object."
A Halloween Batman costume
"This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly."
A New Zealand insect spray
"Not tested on animals."
A Television Owner’s Manual
"Do not pour liquids into your television set."
A VCR box says
"Instructional video on hooking up your VCR included."
On a bottle-top of a flavored milk drink
"After opening, keep upright."
A camera
"This camera only works when there is film inside."
A can of windscreen de-icing spray
"Spray works in sub-zero temperatures."
A computer mouse
"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers."
A dishwasher carries this warning
"Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."
A helmet mounted mirror used by USA cyclists
"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you."
A snow sled
"Beware: sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."
A packet of juggling balls
"This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA."
A rest stop on a Wisconsin highway
"Do not eat urinal cakes."
A sticker on a toilet at a public facility
"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."
A brand of Korean kitchen knives
"Keep out of children."
A Tampax Tampons package
"Remove used tampon before inserting a new one."
A rock garden
"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth."
label on a kitchen knife that warns:
"Never try to catch a falling knife."
If you have 'wacky warning labels' you've found, then submit them to this site:
http://www.mlaw.org/wwl/
Winners of the 'Wacy Warning Label' contest recieve a grand prize of $500 dollars and the latest copy of their book, a humorous yet sad look at our legal system.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the accident report that sounds absolutely excruciating and at the same time, unbearably funny XD It is human nature to find the pain of others amusing (unless they be a certain MORGAN RODECAP in her fall down the stairs)
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause
of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work,
I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them i n a
barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building
on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied
the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175
lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now
proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed
in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my r ight hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great
deal of pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight
of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you
again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming
up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile
of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I l ay there on the pile of bricks, in
pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and
let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I hope you found both amusement and insight in this note. The moral of the story is:
People are stupid. People like to take advantage of/blame others because they're stupid. And of course, planning ahead is a good idea.
Community Member