Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

*Yeah real again*

I'm in an anti-racism group at school with a bunch of my friends. It's a pretty small group because not many kids are involved in anything, and they think this isn't worthwhile (that's being saved for another rant). So a few months ago, a main member wanted to take a break from it for a week (we only have one meeting a week). It was like, yeah ok, see you next week. We all understood that they were stressed out and wanted to relax, okay fine, that's dandy. Everybody deserves a break. So they didn't come to a meeting for almost 2 months before emailing me and saying that they no longer wanted to be considered a member of the group. She had her reasons, and I understood although I was a little hurt by her decision to leave. It affected me more than I thought because I haven't been hanging out with half as much as I used to before all this...I guess I just took it out in a different way. I didn't want to talk to her about it, confrontation = bad. So I just avoided.

That probably wasn't the best reaction, but it's what I did. I still talked to her, but I was a little cold. Not mean cold, more like 'I don't want to talk much' cold. I was like that almost every day after the trip.

Last week, I got a shock when I was approaching the meeting spot. There she was waiting there with everybody else. I had gotten over her ditching the group, but I wasn't prepared for her randomly showing up again. "Quit eh?" I kept thinking to myself, "Then why are you back?" I never had the courage to say it, and I probably never will...unless I explode. It was like she had never been gone. I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing. She has bossy qualities and after ditching the group, I feel that she shouldn't be like that, but I guess at the first meeting back she wasn't. At the end of the meeting, we decided on having a meeting over the weekend and she said to have at her house so she remembers...

That just ticks me right off. What? If it's not at your house, at your convience, it's not worth remembering? What dedication. Oh I really admire it. <sarcasm> What a load of crap. I didn't go. She didn't set a time, and early that weekend I was a littled ticked off at her about unrelated reasons. Why should I go? Out of sense of duty, out of respect? She hasn't shown either. I know, not the most mature way of dealing with it...and if she had given a time for it, I would have forced myself to go...but really, I just can't stand it. Should we be graced by her presence now that she's decided to come back? Well who's to say she won't just leave again? Gosh, if this was anyone else who wasn't a complete hyprocrite, it wouldn't bother me as much. I counted on her as a reliable member of the group because really, dedicated people are so hard to come by.

We don't have many that are reliable. It's so awkward for me having her back. Everybody else is okay with it, so I should just keep this to myself, hence why no posty in my real journal (soon this'll be my real journal mind you). She was a close friend, and I thought she cared about this too. Was, is, I don't know. I think I'm falling away from her, vice versa. Right now, I feel like it wouldn't be so bad if that happened. It bothers me when I hear her BS to other people when I'm around 'cause I know it's a lie, but what I am supposed to do? Call her out? >__> Urgh.