I really doubt that anybody looks at this stupid thing anymore...
so I guess it's safe to say how disatisfied I am with how things turned out...
Selfishly, I really don't like this whole break apart relationship that my friends have all developed. Has it really become such a trend? I really hate it. No, I despise it.
Course, you can't wave a magic wand over somebody's nose and say "BE FRIENDS DAMNIT!" It's like keeping abusive parents together for the sake of the children, right? I don't know... I just have grown to be really irritated that everyone's severing ties...
And I've been feeling really ________ lately....
It might be all in my head, but... I really don't like it...
I miss how things used to be two years ago. What would I give to have those days back...
I know how people dispise how I linger in the past, but the past is really all I've got lately... It might be bullshit to some of you, but you can't just loose somebody you loved and get over it easilly. Some enter trauma wards over s**t like that...
I really don't like how things turned out for me... it's like worse leads to worser...
I wish life were fair...
I wish Monika was here to give me her charming smile and say "You're going to be okay."
But... I'm not going to be okay...
My icy angel has been taken from me... her smile was gone, behind closed frozen lips, and her eyes, filled with so much sparkle and life, were gone behind closed lids.
I won't ever see her again...
And, the breaking apart of my family... my brothers, my friends, to have them leave without having the strength to face them and say goodbye... I just am filled with so much remorse and angst at the fact that when they contact me, that I was not able to be either as strong willed or capable like them...
I miss her so much...
... I miss them...
... I just miss how everything was... and lately, dispite my efforts, they'll never be the same.
That's why I dwell in the past... because it's not going to get any better than that.
Rozencard · Thu Feb 28, 2008 @ 05:38pm · 0 Comments |