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Choice, it is that damning word that can make or break anything. It is the focal point of personal responsibility.

However, it has a friend called Fate who is a fickle b***h. It determines where you are born, when, how, etc. Fate plus Choice, the ultimate mind ********.

Another state, another life, a few choices and you could be a completely different life with different goals.

You could be making your own breakfast or somebody else making or yet another somebody else.

Or even where you sit right now in your very chair, a yes when you had said no or a no when you had said yes could have changed everything. A loss, a gain, all a creepy possibility.

I can honestly say that I am happy where I am but still haunted by what ifs I could have made and ones that lay outside my bounds. A simple yes before I was born and I would be in another country in another life. A simple no made that difference. A yes could have broken all that I know. A no made all the difference. Another yes brought me back to where I needed to be but still that no haunts me.

I can't say I want that no but it still has a voice, still has a string of what if, still poking at me at odd hours. I could save myself the trouble and blame my mood, the music I listened to at the time, and the very words I typed before this entry. But therein lies the rub.

Choice, I made my choices and I live by them, even happy. I have love, I have warmth, I have what I need. So why am I haunted? Is it just my mood, my inability to really let go? Is it just my flaws, nagging at me? I don't know.

Right now, I find myself wanting an orgasm and a cuddle, then maybe a bit of gaming. I'll think of something. I want my kitties...