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The final pain... Hidden for 10+ years
OK.. So everyone/fur that I know may know that I’ve been through a whole lot in my life… And you all know me as the caring and loving Wulf as I am... But this may come as unexpected to you... Since I've been hiding it for far too long... Now I want my friends to know...
Thing is… I’ve mentioned once that there is only ONE thing that is too painful to disclose. But as I’ve suffered enough, I’ve felt like I should just say it here and now.
Hours and hours of playing FPSes like Halo and COD4 have always given me a quick flash back of my times when I was a small kid back in my country (Zaire [ Now DRC]). I was born unto a war going on within the country, for reasons I don’t even know to this day. When a normal day goes on by, it never ends without a couple of bullets being pumped out. At a certain time… I’ve suffered seeing my uncle getting shot in the head (in front of me) and my cousin getting hit twice (or three) times in the chest a few days later. Of course I was too small to realize what was going on around me, but I was scared to death… Seeing that my family is already suffering from deaths in a snap… If I wasn’t on the last plane out of that country… I would’ve probably been recruited as a child soldier… Being 8 years old and firing an AK-47 around innocent civilians.
So for every head shot, I have that image of my uncle getting shot in the head, and his lifeless body falling back… And same for the chest shots upon my cousin… It haunts me to an extent where I’m used to it. At times, I put down the controller and cry a bit, then return to gaming… It hurts this much, but at the same time I’m already use to it.
Same thing in Haiti… Before it was messed up (rebels attacking… With a ploy to take down Arisitde) When they’ve made their way to Port-Au-Prince… They’ve been ransacking things around the city… Even the rich (white/Euro) neighborhoods/apartments (etc.)
I was outside with a security guard, when I heard a couple of shots outside the area near the gate… The gate opened and I saw some men with guns just run in… I (of course) dived back inside the building, but the guard was downed… I didn’t see it, but I heard him grunting. I knew him well for the past 5 years, and he was a really nice person willing to see what the US was like… Even Dominican Republic for one…
After all this… I had to suffer though horrible parenting and such… I will never know why I survived the storm… To this day I pray for those lost throughout my life…
Even having my Auntie die from a gunshot wound when her house was being burgled… It’s like it’s a bit common to have my family members die by another person aiming a barrel of a gun at them… And it bugs me…
I may be partially afraid to be shot at… But now I’m never afraid to shoot a gun… (only with a little pinch of remorse and such)
But to put this out there… I’ll NEVER kill anyone with a gun… It always has been against me to kill another…
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