It's amazing, the fickleness of love -- You can have it one moment, and you turn around and it's gone. For some, love is knowing that your sweetheart is always there for you, and they can share their life with them; For others, it's someone willing to do what it takes to make them happy...
And sometimes, you'll find someone who may not know what exactly love is -- someone who, though they may feel it, doesn't know what "it" is they're feeling. There's always a certain uncertainty with these; they can be the happiest person in the world, but fall for a quality instead of a person.
Exhibit A: My wonderful Natalie. Natalie's always been in need of affection in a relationship -- it's shown to her, and she falls fairly quickly. If, however, there's a period of time in which that affection isn't present or hasn't been expressed, the insecurity starts to fall into place and the quality she fell for seems to fade into the distance -- this is where the trouble begins. She'll quickly seek out the quality she sought with another to regain this feeling of security, and once again be happy.
Now, here's where I enter the picture. Natalie and I have been together, be it as friends, dating, or anything else, for over a year and a half... and during this time, we've bonded like crazy. Natalie and I talk constantly, I help her with her troubles, and she's helped me with a number of mine; She's sad, I (try to) cheer her up; if there's anything at all we'd ever need to talk to each other about, we'd tell each other (she's even called me her "personal psychiatrist", because I'm way cheaper than a real one!) She's fallen in love with me a number of times, and has, just as quickly, fallen out. I'd loved her for the longest time, and continued to like her immensely thereafter (this lead to quite a few problems, but I won't get into that). She's really been my only real constant in my life since I've known her, and I believe the same can be said of me to her -- we complete each other, as yin and yang.
Now, she's fallen again real recently, and we started dating two days ago, only to break up today with the uncertainty on her behalf that she loves me. I can understand what is in her mind, but I can't help but wonder if she knows what it is that makes her really love me. There's something that sparks in her mind when it happens, and it stops once what happened stops happening -- if I only knew what it was, then I'd be able to keep her happy.
I want to marry Natalie one day. But I worry that, eventually, that little spark I have that ignites her heart will stop for some reason, and she'd become depressed because she doesn't have that security she once knew. I know for certain that my kindness towards her is a factor that leads her to want me, but it's not enough to make her love me for a length of time -- there's still that missing key. If I can find it, then once more can I open her heart and fill it full of the love and affection she so desires, but at this time, I haven't the foggiest.
And to make things worse, it seems the bond we share isn't what it used to be. We used to tell each other everything, but now she's holding back things she would have told me before, and it feels like she's hidden her emotions from me as well. Maybe she's even locked herself out of her own heart and mind -- it's almost as if she doesn't trust me the way she did. I have no idea why it's happening, but I'm going to try to get her to open up to me again... maybe then I can make sense of all I've missed.
I love her; I really do.
She's my world.
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It's not what it looks like, I swear.
And that just what you know
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The drink of love is filled with thoughts of desire, for each other, and for more love. Every drink just makes you want it more. With this said:
She obviously can't hold her liquid very well, thus she is in a constant state of imbalanced. I know she'll kill me for saying this, but whatever. Confused and dazed, every drink of the pinkish liquid makes her want more, she gets drunk quickly, then dazed, then overfull, where she doesn't want more for the time being. This'll only bring more and more imbalance, because she wants more then what she began with, and can only hold too much.
She wants more then what she can hold.
Imbalance within the heart is hard to overcome, though not impossible. That's your job now, to fix it, so that even if she does leave one day, her wounded heart, patched together with bandages, stitches, and what other items you can find, chains, jewels, a necklace, even an armband, all in good hope to fix this imbalance.
This is what is called love. Where, in the relationship, you either have to be the one to help, or be helped. Two unstable people find each other too wanting. To stable people find the other unwanting. To be stable and want to want, and to be unstable and want to have want. That is how love works.
I'm imagining that you want to give rather then want to take, wanting to give love, wanting to give the other the bandages, stitches, and bracelets, rather then the person who wants love, who needs love, who needs the items chained from love.
If you are that person, who wants to help rather then be helped, then it will work.
This is called love. "Love is blind", said the wounded women, "no" said the caring man, "it is only blind to those who do not see it"