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Last night was terrible....
Tim stayed over and I was extremely excited that I was able to see him.
But around 10 PM, Adam called...
After that, Tim seemed depressed...
He wouldn't look me in the eyes and only typed on the computer...

I tried to ignore the feeling in my heart that something was wrong, but, sometimes, I can't help but feel that maybe...

Anyway, around 2ish we tried going to bed, and he broke the news to me about Adam, how his mom found out about him and Tim, and made him break up with him...

As Tim pulled the whole "I wish I was straight" thing, my heart...well...to be frank...broke.
It hurt me so bad to see him this upset and I told him
"Don't ever change! I like you just the way you are! If you were ever any different, we'd never be this close and we probably be in the situation we were in now..."
To anyone who reads this...
Find the song "This Way" by Jewel and actually listen to the lyrics...
Those are the words I wanted to say to him in that instant, but the words wouldn't leave my mouth...
I didn't mention the fact that without him in my life, I would probably still be a fat, sit at home nerd with a b*****d of a best friend. (Lance Harper)
I didn't tell him this, but, I was fighting back tears while he talked to me about it and I was amazed that I didn't completely break down while talking to him.

Ever since we officially became best friends, I've never wanted to see him hurt or cry...
Is this how true friendship is supposed to feel?

Well...
I told him that I'd always be there for him...
Then I started to talk about when I move off to college and how I'd be scared I'd never see my friends much....
Tim tried to reassure me...but...
I couldn't bring myself to tell him that it would really only be him that I would miss...



Today Sierra had a 4th of July party and I had to leave for work...at 3 pm... like 4 hours after I got there...
And I'm glad Tim and Sierra wanted me to stay, but...
The look he gave me...
It just...killed me inside...
I got off at 10 and rushed over to Sierra's, wishing he'd still be there...
He wasn't...
:/
Figures...
As I drove home...the tears didn't stop...
The look he gave me still engraved in my subconscious...and Sierra's attempts to help me stay at the party replaying in my mind..

In fact, as I'm typing this I'm shaking in fear...
Lately I can't tell if I'm just lonely or if I just miss my best friend that much...

Tim, if you're reading this:
I'm sorry that I've kept all of this from you, but, I don't want you to worry about me...
Lately you've been the only stable pillar in my shaky storm-ridden sea of a life...

E muja oui!