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Why didn't I just expect this?
Right at the back of my mind, I knew that he wouldn't come, but why did I still believe that he would? Just because its something I want so bad.. doesn't mean its going to happen. So yet again, I didn't get to see him. No, I'm not mad at him, why would I be mad? <i>How</i> could I be mad? I'm only mad at myself. That I forced myself to believe and guarantee myself that I would finally get to see him again. Its the third time this has happened, that he said that he would try and come and he didn't. Why can't I just see him again? Is it so much to ask? Why is fate always one step ahead of me?

You promised me that no matter what you will see me again when you come back. Now that you're back, will you live up to your words? Your promises? Please do.. I need to see you again. Even if I wont be able to look at you the way in which I would love to intend, I would sacrifice everything and anything just to see you again, just to be <i>near</i> you. To know that you're still there. I know you're still here but since I haven't seen you in so long you just seem like nothing more than a memory? How can I be truly sure you still exist if I haven't seen you in so long? I want to see you. I read my older blogs saying how much I was over you.. yet again, its just me forcing what I want onto myself. I wanted to be over you.. so thats what I thought. I can't always have what I want! I know that. I hate that.

Things I want;
1) You
or
2) To be truly over you. Done. Complete. Nothing more.

I don't want to be stuck in the middle.. which is what I am.
I still want you but I'm not over you but I know I can't have you.