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Pleaz, pleaz, PLEAZZZ comment after you read my stories!!! I luv comments.
The Adventures of the Ninjas of Bodacity
Chapter 2: A search-and-rescue quest begins.
"Robert-sensei?" Katie called out. There was no answer. "Girls, look at this." Angel said to her 5 companions. On Robert-sensei's desk were 6 packages...all adressed to each of the 6 girls. On them was a note that read: "You have done well, my students. I beleive it is time that you earned these." Excited, Katie ripped the cloth right off of hers. She marveled at the contents of it: a brand-spankin' new pair of tessens. "Wow!" Katie squealed. "My first ninja weapon!" Jill immediately snatched her gift and ripped it open: a pair of sai blades. Ashley: a pair of sturdy wooden tonfas. Rachel felt her gift, attempting to form an image of it. It felt slightly flimsy and when she opened it, she found a pair of nunchakus. Lacey's gift felt the heaviest and looked the biggest. For some reason, (and we still don't know how.) Robert-sensei managed to lug a big-@$$ hammer up to his room and get it wrapped for Lacey. As for Angel, her gift was the longest: a wooden bo staff. The girls marveled at their new ninja weapons excitedly. However, Katie got a little overexcited and began to wave a tessen in the air. "This is awesome! Finally I get to slice bad guys into bits!" She shouted. "Katie, be careful." Lacey scolded. "You're gonna poke someone's eye out with that thing!" "Sorry." Katie apologized, a sweatdrop running down her head. "I'm just so excited!" She waved it in the air one more time, accidently knocking a bottle from the shelf above onto the floor. It shattered, leaving nothing but broken glass and a slip of paper on the wooden floor. "...oops." Katie mumbled to herself. "Say," Jill thought aloud, "what's this?" She picked up the paper from the floor and opened it. "...Does anyone here know how to read ancient Japanese?" Jill asked. "I do." Ashley said, raising one hand slightly. She took the letter into her own hands and mouthed most of the words to herself until she got to one sentence. Then she began to speak louder. "You may have noticed, your sensei is gone. He is now in my control. If you want him back, you'll have to face me in battle. However, if you'd like both your sensei and yourselves to live, join me. I'll give you a month to think it over. Demon lord, Naraku." A pause followed. "Who the crap is Naraku?" Katie asked. "Never heard of 'im." "We'll have to figure it out later." Angel said, her voice shaking with fear as she glanced out the window. Her companions joined her and saw a huge black vortex not too far away from the academy. "WHAT THE CRAP IS THAT THING!!!??????" Katie freaked. "I don't know." Rachel sighed. "Is my eyesight goin' or is it getting closer?" Lacey gasped. It was. The girls saw it inching closer and closer and they realized that they had to get out of there. Katie nervously looked around, looking for they're escape...and she saw one. Just underneath the window, much to they're luck, was a peasant's wagon with hay to break their fall. "Guys, down there." Katie said, pointing down. There was no agreement nor arguement of this. They immediately climbed up on the window sill. "Alright girls, on the count of three..." Ashley said nervously, but Lacey knew they shouldn't wait. "One..." Ashley began and Lacey finished, pushing herself and her companions out the window, shouting, "Three!" Meanwhile, underneath the window, two young men lazily relaxed down by the cart: one snoring, the other getting annoyed by it. Both were caped, one with a lion tail twitching lazily as it layed next to him, the other normal human. The normal human got annoyed by his companions snoring and shoved an abnormally large cork in his mouth. Suddenly, they both heard a crashing sound from behind them. This woke up both the man with the tail and their horse. The horse started whinning crazily. "Whoa, boy." The normal human soothed the horse, stroking it's nose slightly. "You think that's code for 'time to get goin'?" His companion asked. "I guess so." He said. He got up onto the bench of the wagon and snapped the reins. If you were behind them now, you'd see the girls crouched down, hiding in the hay, with Lacey putting her finger to her mouth telling her friends to stay quiet.
____________________________________________________________
Now it's getting fun. whee Yays! We gots our weapons! Oh, and guess who's driving our escape vehicle. The guy with the tail most of everyone in Gaia other than my friends won't know at all. The other guy: I'll give ya a hint, he's from Naruto.

P.S. the only bad comments I'll accept are from my friends.






User Comments: [2] [add]
Lfangirl148
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Mon Dec 29, 2008 @ 12:18am
Hmm, not too bad so far. But I think it would look a little better if you serparated your text into paragraphs. It makes it a tad easier to read, a wall of text makes me lose my place while reading lol 3nodding


commentCommented on: Mon Dec 29, 2008 @ 10:39pm
Yes, I agree with Ashley, not too bad so far. You are improving. 3nodding



fancifultatters
Community Member
User Comments: [2] [add]
 
 
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