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Ryan: My brother needed surgery, but we both were broke
I took him to a veterinarian and asked a little joke
He never complained, I didn't hear a peep
So I thought "What the hell" and had him put to sleep

Ryan: When it comes to hoedowns, I'm doing another one
After the false one, I thought that I was done
I feel like such a fool, and I feel like such a twit
This is what I have to do to please the ******** Brit

Ryan: I don't file my taxes every single year
I guess it's the IRS I really, really fear
I guess that's bad of me to show a lot of class
But every time I do they seem to ******** me up the a**

Ryan: I'm singing a song about a vending machine
Don't you know that it's really not my scene
Trying to think of something clever with a little twist
If we do another hoedown, I'll slit my ******** wrist

Colin: People always kid me cause I'm losing all my hair
I can't really help it that I'm folicly impair
It really is quite horrible but my life is not through
I still get way more sex than either Brad or Drew

Colin: I went to the machine to take out some money
Then I noticed there was something funny
As I came closer, my heart, boy, it sank
It was an ATM machine for a sperm bank

Wayne: Boy oh listen, nothing amuses me,
Than sitting at home and watching reality TV,
Now that show COPS, I think that it's the bomb,
Until I turned it on and said "Damn, that's my mom!"

Drew: Now onto a game called "******** Me Silly"

Drew: To recap the scores, for those of you who keep track at home. Uh. Brad: Who knows. Wayne: I don't care. Colin: I forgot. Ryan: -73.

Asian Girl: Bachelor number one, if you could be any lipstick colour, what colour would you be?
Brad: I would be lemon-flavoured a**-kiss.

Drew: A lot of people said rap, but I wanted a style of music.

Drew: Hello. And welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway. The show where everything is made up and the points don't matter. The points here are kinda like Canada.

Colin: No matter how many times you say "Wow", every time you say it backwards, it's still "Wow".

Colin: I'm as much fun to make as I am to eat.

Drew: Slower and more up. Okay. If I had a nickle for every time I heard that...

Brad: Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm Loose-Bowels.

Drew: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway. The show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. Uh, for uh, this how the go... Sorry, can't even talk. This is how the game works. Uh, what happens is uh, it's not even a game. This is how the show works. I kill myself, and you get to cheer me on as I lop off different parts of my body. When I get down to my p***s, when my p***s is lopping around, the game ends. Uh, my p***s awards the points, and then you carry the bloody p***s on a stick while marching around in the town square... *gets cut off by Director*

Drew: The next game is called Mideval Gynecologist.

Brad: (as Amish Nightclub Act) Have you ever been to Intercourse, Pennsylvania?

Ryan: Puberty's kind of a tough one to talk about without jerking off.

Ryan: I like to grab my p***s
I grab it all the time...

Greg: Now easy son, I'm no palooka
But you can't come in here and bring that bazooka
This is the school of pool you see
I'm the prince of pool for thee
I'm the prince of pool
That's true, and I'm ******** this up, man...

Brad: Good evening, I'm Jazzabelle Spankbottom. And welcome to the twelve o'clock news.
*Director walks on*
Ryan: And I shall make a British a*****e appear.

Colin: *wearing a bird nest hat* I also have two in the bush.

Greg: Colin walks in on Drew having an intimate moment with Colin's wife, Ryan.
Drew: And we only have ninety seconds, so, you gonna time us?
Greg: Go.
Ryan: ******** me. ******** me hard.

Drew: Then what happened?
Ryan: Then I said, "Hey, how about we boycott our clothes?"

Ryan: Hello, beautiful. Would you like to take a bath without ever stepping foot into a tub?
Cop: I am, thank God, a lesbian.

Greg: I'm an advertiser, and I'm a groovy guy.
I sit at home just thinking of all the stuff you can buy
Lots of stuff you don't need that'll make...
******** me...

Ryan: (World's Worst Doctor) Excuse me for a minute. *turns to look in a nearby book* Knee bone's connected to the...