He comes in that day and you feel your stomach ache.
You shudder and he shames and you wonder what you say.
You know you must say something, but the words do not come.
You been there before, and it’s never undone.
You sit at the table with your children in tow
One glass of juice or a noodle does fall.
The yelling begins, and the tantrums our show
Words not from him are mentioned to solve
You can’t say anything to make the hurt go away.
Silence does happen, but you don’t want to stay.
Your children are hurting, and he still isn’t nice.
You wait for that moment to calm and make nice.
Dinner is done and the dishes put away
Your start the next shift, and go on with your day.
You get the kids settled, and you find your little safe spot.
Inching and wondering, Why is your world so shot?
Then he comes down to greet you with a smile on his face.
He acts like nothing has happened with no shame or disgrace
You sit there wondering what message did you send?
I don’t want you here and I shouldn’t have to bend.
He stands there wanting the distance to be gone
He pushes closer and closer and you just can’t respond.
What do you do? What do you say?
He pushes and pushes and never goes away.
You can’t force closeness to the one you’ve lost
You can’t pressure trust when we never know how you will respond.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you say you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.
Days later problems happen and you just want to hide
You don’t want to talk because it is never very nice.
You wait for the crowning moment nice and relaxed,
You really need to speak to you him and you can’t hold back.
It starts is real slow and you try to keep pace,
But the explosion soon starts right in your face.
Nothing is nice!
Nothing is fair!
It’s all your fault and he makes that perfectly clear.
He refuses to help fix or even be kind
He treats you like the enemy and your forced to resign.
As you slowly retreat you have strong feelings of doom.
How could this happen did I talk to soon?
Did I say it wrong, or have a look on my face
I don’t understand why I’m such a disgrace.
You find a safe place to work on the game plan.
You fix that problem and never with him.
You handle the issue – at least parts that you can.
You look over what happened, and you remain mad.
Evening soon comes and you retreat to your bed.
He comes in and comes over and you just want to gag.
He kisses your face and then strokes your back.
You want to get up and leave and then you’re pulled back.
You can’t force closeness to the one you have lost
You can’t pressure trust when you can not resolve.
You can’t intimidate into intimacy with someone you love
You can’t have it both ways and think you have won.
After years of belittling and verbal attacks
You find it hard to get your self esteem back.
You search for the answer and fix you still need.
Until you have realized that you really need to flee.
Nothing will change
Nothing will be good
Nothing will happen until you are gone.
You live in denial with all you have left
Then finally hear the “snap” of that old camel’s back.
You fear the reactions of family and friends
Will they take your side or try to befriend him.
They will think you the wimp
Will you lose their respect
For trying to keep peace for so long
And for finally stopping to fight back.
You work to improve yourself
To change your way of thinking
You fight the doubts without even blinking
You sit and worry if you have really done it.
Or if he is right and you will really plummet.
What will he say?
How will he react?
Will in be nice or some sort of attack.
You hear the sad story of how sorry he is
He has seen the errors of his ways
And now the change can begin.
You hesitate a little and wonder what is right
That hesitation now starts a new kind of fight.
View User's Journal
Epitaph of Love
 |
Temporarily Schizophrenic
Community Member |
User Comments: [1] [add]
User Comments: [1] [add]
Community Member