I think I'm even worse for posting these damn things...
... *holds his knees* I dunno...
In truth, I'm really depressed about my birthday... I hate the fact that I'm getting older... despite the new freedoms, like the ability to legally gamble in a casino and drink... but I didn't get to spend it with Ember, and she's upset horribly because of her friends being hurt, and her family's friend being sick...
Ontop of that, I can't be there for her... because of my damn job and my mom's job eating all the computer time...
... I feel lonely again... but I can't and won't demand her time... since it is my fault that I'm not on during the day, and she needs her rest. It would be wrong of me to constantly demand her attention...
... Also... I feel really bad for her friend... and I feel guilty for the one time I even 'talked' to him, I accused him of being a copycat... to this day it still bothers me that my first impression was a solid "I don't like you cuz you're like me."
... *Sighs* I really do hope he's alright... and her other friend as well...
I know all too well what it's like to have a friend in a car crash... ever since I lost Monika to one...
I feel like I ignored the subject all together yesterday...
... I can't believe I didn't register that something horrible happened...
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY!!
... I remember even reading a piece... but reading more and more of Ember's posts to her friends... I felt horrible for writing such crap yesterday instead of tending to her...
... Maybe I'm dwelling too much on things... but I am supposed to be there for the girl I love... not just say such stupid stuff about myself... especially stuff that was neither relevent nor important...
What's more... I won't be on tomorrow either to talk to her... and probably not until late on Saturday...
... I guess I can check back on Saturday... but by then, I'll probably have been zero help whatsoever... I'm just sitting here whining about myself... being hardly constructive nor helpful...
*sighs* I must be tired...
I should call it a night...
 Rozencard · Fri Apr 03, 2009 @ 09:42am · 2 Comments |
