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That face finally died and I all but threw a celebration, as cold as that sounds, no matter what I put in my front yard, that face came and haunted me. Scientist were coming now to the city to see why it rained every day. Special lawn equipment were made so others could work in the rain, all because of me. I don’t care though, this is my home, I’m not leaving. I did pick the one ‘haunted house’ trying to get my peace but I learned from my dearest relative, I won’t get that. I must learn to live with intrusions. Especially since the b*****d told the offspring of the offspring’s offspring. I will not have my peace, must I kill my family name off? I will, it wouldn’t even make me bat an eyelash differently, unless one looks, again, identical to my sibling.

Anymore I am forgetting why exactly I hate the rain, why when it comes, I cry. Why when it hits me it hurts. I have forgotten why when I hear it pelting my window pane it sounds like screaming and death. I am even forgetting who I am, and for some reason it is scaring me, like it is the biggest mistake of my life. I have this overwhelming dread that if I forget, something horrible will happen, yet as much as I want to forget, I struggle to remember. Why? Why do I do this to myself? Why would I? I now know I am missing the piece of the puzzle ant that it is in front of me. I look down at my hands, is that what the piece is? Is it the rain? Is it me in general? I cannot see myself in the mirror anymore, I heard the legends and check my teeth, got around garlic, poured holy water on myself when I went into a church, I did everything, even shoved a stake in my chest at home. Nothing. The worst thing I got was heart burn. So I wonder if its so much I can’t see myself in the mirror or I don’t want to. I’ll figure that out later.

I am frantically writing all this down now, I can’t forget, I can’t. I fear the darkness of the unknowing mind, it comes at me to hold me like a warm blanket in winter, and I do not want that. It’s filled with holes, things I simply cannot remember, this is not good. Someone help me, this time, not to find my death, but to find the old memories. They simply will not come anymore. All I remember is red, why is that? Why is the one color I cannot see, the color that is left in my memories. Like so many of those black and white pictures with a splash of color, my memories are now black and white with the only color that shows is red. This is not fair, but I’ve been saying that coming on a millennia. I must seek anyone that can help, this is not working out.

I went out today, I went to find someone that could help me, anyone, I didn’t care if it was a priest or not. I did find one man that could, he came to me though, that was the scary part. A random stranger came up and put his hand on my shoulder. “Relax for all will be reveled to you soon, have faith and go to where it all began.” I told him I had no idea where it all began and I needed help, he just gently smiled and his skin turned ash gray, “You will.” I watched as he, in a sense, exploded, his skin puffed out like it was all dust or ash as it floated away on the air currents. His clothes fell on the ground with soft rustling as they settled, I could hear it, but I dared not to look away from the ashes that no one seemed to see. When they were gone I looked down at the clothes, they just laid there waiting for someone to claim them, to take them home, so I did. He did help me, he kinda pointed me in the right direction, I just had to figure out which way that was, but he did give me a clue to work off of so for that I was happy. I had meaning again, I may not have my memories back but now I realize that there was something for me to do. Good. This was good.

When I got home, before I got under the safety of my awning, it started to rain again, fairly hard. It was so painful that I cuddled to the clothes begging it for some kind of relief. However what I got was far from it. I knew that guy looked familiar, still don’t know who he is but I smelled the clothes as I was hunched over and the guy’s face came back to me smiling. He was standing there on the street then in a flash he was in different garb, I could only see the shoulders up, but I could see the different look about him. Eyes that has seen much more then they liked, but still a kind of kindness to them only his closest few would get. I could see his hair now longer tied back out of his way with braids, leather wrapped around the end to secure the style. I blinked as I could see his shoulder move a bit then relax as if he patted my arm saying ‘It’ll be okay, just keep your chin up and your eyes focused, we’ll all be okay.’ How did I know that?

Just then I heard something behind me, quickly I turned and naturally reacted as I dropped the clothes and put up my right arm defensively. I had seen the horseman riding towards me with a large mace ready to take my head. He was in old old clothes from a time long ago. Just when he thought he was going to mace through my arm and hit my skull I twisted and went to grab his wrist and mount the horse to take him out. However, as my hand wrapped around his wrist he disappeared, sending me reeling to land on my side hard. With an off I coughed out a bit, wondering what had just happened. I looked around seeing others stare at me. With a sharp tone I sent them on their way thinking I was practicing a theatre scene, probably thinking I was mad. I paid no mind as I had a mission to do. I had to know where to go, I had to know how to remember.

Going inside I threw the clothes away, hitting the radio hearing a new song, little did I know the radio was on a non-communicable station, let alone not plugged in. The voices, they were painful to listen to as they were the most beautiful sound I’ve ever heard, they were beyond the natural, I should know, I’ve been living how long now? I listened to the words as I drew near the small machine that I did not realize I even owned. They were so wholesome and pure that I could not understand what they were saying except four words. ‘listen to the rain’. Was this a sign? Was that the puzzle piece? Did I really have to listen to the screams and horrors that were pouring to the ground daily? I had to but first I had to find my way to the origin, maybe then I could understand the rain other then screaming. Here is hoping I can find my past, to fix my future.