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neh..after my arm hyperextends in karate (possibly just a little..though it still hurts to type) and my mother fighting for the I-dont-know time with me father and using me as target practice, I finally manage to sneak on to see my beloved Amber...ahh...but now im tortured..she asked the question: Can I ask you something?..in my terms of life, this is a haunting question, my mother uses this to pinpoint my flaws and call me weak...im actually quite terrified of this question, which is why I never will try to break any rules of life or my loves one as well..but..i dont understand, I stayed beside her at all times, for I love her with all my heart and soul! even my own body wants her! -sighs-..i dont understnad, what have I done wrong?? and my sister knows this..one of my flaws..the knowledge..Amber went to bed before I can answer and now im haunted by it! what is it? I want to know so I can answer! Im going mad at it! Im trying to see if I did anythign wrong! ugh! I dont get it! I want to be with her!! why this question! what did I---


---sorry...I had a small meltdown there at night, and it took me a while to can control on my mind and heart..my eyes hurt from crying and yet they still pour tears..I want to answer the question to her truthfully but what is it?? ugh!...if only people understnad my love and passion for her..its like a predator in the hunt..theyu live for it, they strive for the best of it..it feels exhilarating..I dont know what it is but I wish I answered it already...I dont know if I can even sleep..but all I know is this: I dont think I done anything wrong, I havent been on SA since possibly for weeks, and they didnt even last but for a few minutes, which I dont care...I hate that place, filled with lies and gossips..the ones the people love so much they try to ruin their lives..sickening..the people on their are corrupted..well some of them are..but I wish it just be me and Amber..pft, I even heard that stupid rumor of someone being copies all over the place and decided to be me! how absurd I am a monster..no one likes having a monster to love...neh get it out of your system Carl! you Love amber and she thinks your no monster but a prince!..a King perhaps?..I doubt it..idk I WISH I KNOW WHAT SHE THOUGHT OF ME!!...maybe I can rest after I done some drawings of me with her..that always made me cry but with happiness..and that song I made...hmmm.. heart I want to know what is botheirng Amber, because I dont know if she believes it or not, but my link to her heart and our bond is so powerful, nothing can break it..why I can even feel it burning my heart.. heart ..