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Random Ramblings of a Bean (part 20)
0. You know, I made it to twenty. That's pretty good. Praise me, dammit!

1. Have you ever seen or heard something that you just rejected down to the core? Not something silly like a song you didn't like or something like that, but something your heart really said "That's not right." to. Like a friend telling you that they beat up someone because they just felt like it, or someone being hurt because of their sexuality. Something that really made your heart sick. What did you do when you saw or heard it? What was the situation ~ Was it a story about someone you dislike doing something wrong to a friend or was it someone you love telling you about something they did? Did you sit back and ponder or did you spring into action? What was being damaged?

2. People have a lot of different ways of venting stress and frustration. Some turn the negative feelings inward, on themselves. Others let those feelings out on their surroundings. And yet others have found the happy point where they can sit down and analyze, discuss and solve their problems peacefully.

2.5. I used to be an objective person, really detached, I could solve my problems on my own. I hardly ever showed emotion. Well, life has happened and things have changed. My moods are more volatile and my capacity for purely logical self analyzation seems to have decreased quite a lot. It's probably hormones, honestly. Woo-hoo for adulthood, right? Or adolescence, I suppose. I find that I'm the type of person who is more likely to direct my frustrations outward than inward. I suppose this is more of a bad thing than a good thing. Most of the time I'm pretty calm and unruffled. But when I do let out, I tend to go for maximum damage on whatever I'm taking my frustration out on. There is still a part of me that holds me back from taking out my anger on others, or tries to, as the case may sometimes be. But it's a lot harder than it used to be. I really dislike the person I become at those times.

3. I used to be really sure of the path I wanted to follow in life. I knew exactly where I was going and what I wanted when I got there. Now, as a senior being faced with college and picking a major and a career, I find that I'm a lot more undecided than I had thought. So many options and I'm still only 17 (though, not for much longer). Sure, there are uglier, stupider, poorer, nastier, ruder and crazier people than me and they make it through life just fine, so I know I will, too. But I can't help but wonder sometimes if the path I choose will be the right path.





 
 
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