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Espec's Journal Here in this journal, I plan to lay down my emotions, feelings, and life in words that tell a tale as well as my life.

l --Espec-- l
Community Member
A Fools Mistake
I have feared this might have happened but I hoped it wouldn't. My boyfriend probably thinks the worst of me now and im too stunned to think straight. More than likely I will start having nightmares again tonight. More than likely, he won't talk to me either. I know he has a problem with my ex boyfriends so I try not to talk about them to him. Leave it to some guy who I don't know ruin everything i've tried to forget. How he knew all of the old gangs secrets, I don't know. I don't know what to do . . .He's not answering my txt messages . . .There is no way I can explain without conflict. Blunt truth is I had a pretend son named Alexander. It was a role play son I guess you could say. It was a big thing to my group. They thought it was cute and I can't believe they even remembered it. I didn't do anything wrong . . .All this happened over a year ago and I can't change the past of who my boyfriends were. I can't change that I had a pretend son. I would in a heart beat if it would make everything better. I know this is going to hurt my relationship with my boyfriend and its going to be rly hard for a while. I can tell. There is no thought or word I can say to him to make it better . . .If this ends badly, I'll probably be carrying another scar. One that will never faid.

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