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Adara's, thoughts, stories and rambles.
Who is actually reading these?
Shell with no soul.
I never thought I'd feel this
Guilty and I'm broken down inside
Livin' with myself nothing but lies

I always thought I'd make it
But never knew I'd let it get so bad
Livin' with myself is all I have

I feel numb
I can't come to life
I feel like I'm frozen in time

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away

Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside
Starin' at yourself, paralyzed?

I feel numb
I can't come to life
I feel like I'm frozen in time

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me

I'm too young to lose my soul
I'm too young to feel this old
So long, I'm left behind
I feel like I'm losing my mind

Do you ever feel me?
Do you ever look deep down inside
Starin' at your life, paralyzed?

Livin' in a world so cold, wasting away
Livin' in a shell with no soul since you've gone away
Livin' in a world so cold, counting the days
Since you've gone away, you've gone away from me

I'm too young
I'm too young



Adara listened to the words intently in a bath towel, sitting on the floor, knees hugged to her chest and face buried in her knees crying her heart out. One arm released her knees and rested across the back of her wet head as she screamed in her boney knees. “I’M SORRY!” She screamed to no one, everyone, to him, to her soul, to whomever would listen. What was worse? They kept playing the song over and over, okay it wasn’t a radio station, it was a CD that she just received, it was one song pleading to her, crying to her, begging to her. Was the price of fame worth it? While the song drilled into her skull repeatedly, as it was too much for her to turn it off she felt like it would kill the person the voice belonged to.

Her older brother found the front door open and was worried. He was her bodyguard, manager, sibling, parent, best friend, assistant, and whatever else Adara needed him to be. He actually found the roles so easy as she didn’t demand much of him, she was a very low key superstar that tried to make his job as easy as she could, he loved her dearly for that. Yes she got her wild hairs, but nothing he couldn’t ever handle, well other then that one incident but they never talk about it, or the scar since she doesn’t remember anything. Pulling out what looked like should have been brass knuckles he slide his fingers into brass claws. It was a gift from his sister, she knew he like to punch and claw so he got a set for him special. Slipping his other hand in a set he stalked silently through the house one hand ready to punch, one ready to go for the throat.

However when he saw his sister he flicked his wrists letting them fall effortlessly to the ground, funny thing was if he were to have someone grab them and yank they wouldn’t let go. That’s how much practice and perfect they were to him. They even had his fingerprints etched into them so they fit into the tiniest grooves of his fingers. “Adara!” he rushed her and got hugged and cried on. He held her tight “Who hurt you, who must I kill to make you happy. Tell me dear little one and it shall be done.” He was sick, twisted, and morbid, yet she was his biggest fan. There was something wrong with the both of them yet they were very comfortable in their skins.

It started when Adara was a preteen, parents were decent, weren’t great but weren’t crappy. However Adara wanted the stars on a platter so to speak and her brother delivered like normal. He had her enrolled in acting classes, voice lessons, dance lessons and whatever else he could think of. He always had money but never lost himself trying to pay for it. As it was she was a natural and grew up in the lime light with her brother guiding her making sure she didn’t screw up her life with drugs or whatever else she could get into, Adara was a magnet to trouble. So he naturally molded into her perfect protector without loosing his spot as the kick a** older brother. He helped her pick out the perfect Queen Anne Victorian Gothic home by not letting her settle for this or that cause it was ‘eh, okay’. It fit them, mainly her but he gave his suggestions. They love the torture chamber, they stretch each other and do other dark things dealing with some of the contraptions seeing if they really worked. It was scary, Shu Yin nearly s**t himself by doing it but she fit in the iron maiden without dying. He was glad she is the equitant of a snake and as boneless as they come.

However, on her 15th birthday the pair met their favorite band Devil’s Bane, a great rock band that was larger then life. The lead vocals was a titan of a man the lead guitarist was a walking contradiction. The vocalist was 6’7” of sex on legs, long beautiful black wild hair that looked like it would come alive and kill anyone that tried to tame it, let alone cut it. The most smoldering malachite eyes that seared into anyone’s soul and see what and who that person truly was. Tanned skin that was stretched around mounds of muscles all over his body that defied the normal skinny rocker. A deep gravely voice that captivated all who heard it and a personality that was fun and wild but still the rock and dominant one of anything in the room. He was a titan reincarnated.

Then there was his buddy. He was Asian that wasn’t 5’2, brown eyes, spiky hair, incredibly intelligent, small *ahemed*, couldn’t drive well, bowing, yellow skinned, polite to a fault guy. He was 6’4” RADIANT azurite blue eyes that darkened with anger, long black smooth with a slight bend hair, endowed, somewhat smart, tanned, drives like what a stunt/James Bond would dream of, rude, doesn’t bow to even tie his shoes kinda guy. He wasn’t rude to all but if he has to burp or fart it comes out and he claims it in all it’s glory. He speaks his mind and well, he’s just the opposite of the typical Asian.

It was love at first sight with the titan and Adara, “typical” Her brother smirked under his breath “What?” Looking over at him. Leaning down and whispering in her ear “Its typical that the biggest guy wants the smallest girl. Its something you would see in all the movies or at the gym. I think its cute with you two, but its standard.” She leaned her head up “I guess it’s the smallest girls must have the biggest men to protect them?” “Perhaps, here he comes.” She was nervous as hell as he was WELL in his twenties and she was barely in her teens. They hit it off and the brother had to scoot them out of the public’s eye and in a separate room as they became lovers.

As the two’s love affair became wildly passionate the Asian and the brother became rather close as well, and finally one night lovers of the same voracity. It all started with Trowa suggesting that Heero teach Shu Yin the guitar as he went and ‘did his business’ with the baby sister in the torture chamber. With that they disappeared and the two were more then happy to do that as it was loud, but at the second horrible note that rang out from Shu Yin’s fingers Trowa stormed up with a hard messy muscle “OUT NOW!” they laughed as they quickly left. It was a fairly funny sight to be hold and they could only imagine what the poor girl was being put through. They went to Heero’s house and this pushed into that and the next day they woke in the same bed.

Yet as the weeks turned into months Adara wasn’t getting to see her Trowa and vice versa. Shu Yin also was feeling the strain with Heero as they had no down time, or when they do the other doesn’t. “This isn’t working out.” Shu Yin cringed as his sister left, he knew what that meant.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE TAKING A BREAK, I’VE SEEN YOUR MOVIES, THAT MEANS WE’RE DONE FOR GOOD!” Adara’s eyes started leaking precious tears that sent Trowa in a panic as he rushed to her “Shhh shhh shh I’m sorry no I didn’t mean to yell at you, please stop crying.” He begged as he gently cupped her face. Putting her hands on his “Trowa you know very well that this isn’t going to work out. The only reason I caught you is cause I texted you it was an emergency.” She sniffled “And I think this is…” But the damage was done and through hours of talking, screaming not at each other but to release energy, and crying a broken Adara left a broken Trowa. Unfortunately, Shu and Heero just faded away from each other rather then ending it.

A few weeks later Trowa was murdered and Heero was in jail for killing the guy who murdered his friend. A mutual Asian friend with his normally hyper friend came and delivered the news along with the CD. “It was the last song he made, he was hoping that you could see his pain and that he could try to mend what you guys had. He was going to leave the band for you after this CD, however this is all he got done before….well….” Wu Fei bowed respectfully and left with Duo. That was 20 years ago. Adara had done no other movies, no other music, dancing, nothing. She was not even a shell with no soul as the song said. She has put the song on everything she had and pushed play, in the past 20 year Shu Yin has watched his sister turned into a living zombie, Heero murdered in jail, and Adara had not one moment that the song had played. It almost didn’t sound like him anymore as it played so much, it seemed to be just another voice, but not to her, it was him. Shu Yin went day in and day out watching his sister as if she was almost 3 months old again. Like other diseases she had her good days and her really bad ones. This was a bad one.

“I wonder how their doing?” Duo sighed as he looked over at his lover “I mean really, how much can one soul suffer the pain of loss?” Wu Fei sighed as his simple Chinese outer shell melted away and was a beautiful god before Duo who changed into a kitsune “You would be surprised on how much pain the soul can take, but since that incident, they must be punished, all she has to do is deny his soul once completely and they will be able to live together forever happily.” “Isn’t that a bit harsh, even for what they did?” Wu Fei thought about it “Perhaps, but what is done is done. Its in their hands now to see if their lives stay tangled in rose thorns or if they break free.” “You know they never will.” “One never knows Duo, with that brother of hers, she might have hope as his soul is catching on rather quickly. There might be hope, lets just hope the little stumbling block I put in for him doesn’t distract him too much otherwise they are all destine for pain and anguish…” Looking at the now four souls floating, two trying to get together but are being ripped apart and one soul distracting the other “I do pity you four that you do not see what is going on, but as always I wish this life will be better then the last.” with that the souls faded as well as the god and his kitsune lover.





 
 
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