I'm a guy that never really talk about my problems, mostly because I take care of it and I have to be strong for those around me. I'm always prepared for varies thing, Way to serious and when it come to sex, love, etc I'm as dumb as a door nail. smile There are times when I do want to have sex, but it's like my body wants one thing and something inside of me says "wait says this isn't right." I mean I'm not trying to sound religious, but shouldn't sex be saved for the one you love...
Not saying that my choice is the right one and I'm holier than though. xd There have been times where I have had the urge to just have sex. Literally there have been times when I've had such an urge that if a girl came up to me and just offered, I wouldn't hesitate about it. But there has always been that one thing inside me that saves me and keeps me from doing something with someone I know I don't love.
Then there is the one problem I know I have. I'm to nice. I do see good in people and I do believe if giving the chance they will make the right choice stare eventually.
I'm the type that is always has to set the example even though half my body wants to beat some sense into the people who act like complete dumb asses. Even though I'm well within my rights to do it even though my body is screaming to do it I still choose the right path. Because I want to prove that if I can do it, if one person can do it then who knows how many others can.. I look at people and see what they feel. (it's weird I know, it's almost like a color I see on them) Half the time I can tell what they're thinking and/or what they're going to do.
I'm afraid I'm just that blip on the radar ,that one and only blip.I'm afraid I'm not good enough for her. Lately the weird dreams I've been having is becoming more and more realistic.... There was one that dream that was a little scary that I barely remembered it. There was a star in outer space that showed up out of nowhere. (I later find out that recently there has been a star found at the edge of our galaxy. Astronomers say that it shouldn't exist and that it is older than our sun.)
There is only two people that really know how methodical and calculating I am in real life, three if you count Pauna, but even she doesn't know how much, not yet. She will know after this journal entry..... Lol she's the only one that reads my journal entries.
She's probably the only one that catches my hidden sentences in every journal entry I've ever made.... The kind of hidden sentences that you can only see once you highlight the entire paragraph.... (Yeah yeah I know, I'm that methodical and secretive.) Even if she doesn't know them, she's honest and I love her for that. Lol I wanted to be that guy for her that was upbeat and entertaining, but I'm afraid I'm not. Not that I don't think I'm that guy. I'm just afraid I'm not that guy. redface
As I said before I'm some what paranoid and surprisingly methodical I actually have 3 different kind of items that doubles as a secret cameras ninja (One is my watch, it's not just pretty for show.) xp , 3 toys that I weaponized..... I actually have a spare apartment set aside just in case my friends or me ever needed it.(thank goodness things never got that desperate around here..) I know weird lol.... I'm afraid if I keep up this nice guy thing I will never be able to reach her or spend my life with her. So I will have to find a solution that benefits everyone... Maybe I should just hop on a plane and take care of my own problems and focus on my own desires. smile that's so not me.... I manage to overcome everything put in front of me and this is no different.
As for jokes Lol I try so hard to make jokes and laugh I've gotten good enough that people can't tell I'm always serious.And everyone has confirmed I'm hilarious only by accident hahahaha and that's true rofl
In middle school I would think about putting together my own crew (even then I could tell how much potential people had) I would walk around study people and think about what position they would have in my crew. Diana and two others in my middle school had potential..... Even back then I wasn't sure if I was being a kid or if I was being for real. ..... It's all random thoughts here.
Last but not least I always find myself dreaming about a wife and kids. redface More perversely I would think about what kind of uniform my wife would wear to bed
b.l.Tiger · Tue Sep 27, 2011 @ 12:42am · 0 Comments |