I don't know what to do anymore.
My energy has been so low lately. It feels like I'm in a rut with my meds because I don't feel suicidal, and I don't feel like everything is hopeless, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to progress. It feels like I'm too weak, and scared, and naive to survive on my own at any point, and that thought really scares me because I know I can't keep living like this.
I came back here for nostalgia's sake, but most of my friends hardly frequent this place anymore. I feel foolish for expecting anything different.
What bothers me the most, something that hasn't changed, is this lingering fear that with everything I say and do, I'm making someone irritated or disappointed with/in me. It's frustrating, because I know it's because my ex was emotionally abusive, and I know it's a process and I'll get past this some day, but it doesn't feel that way. It feels like I'm weak, and submissive, and I'm so sick of feeling that way. I'm tired of feeling like I have to walk on eggshells with everyone I'm close with, I'm tired of having this irrational fear that I upset someone when I know I didn't do anything wrong.
I'm so, so tired.
