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"I don't need you and you should know that, baby
It'd take a miracle for you to really try and change me."

kind of a shitty feeling but i know what i'm doing is for the best
trying anything now would only set us up for failure

i hope you know i appreciate you in a way much deeper
than a means of letting you and i start something when i'm not in a good place

and i know you love me,
and i'm sure you know i love you too,

but right now i am entirely too lost in the space that is my mind
and i'm entirely too selfish to lend myself to someone for the kind of emotional, physical, and affectionate support that people need and want when they get into relationships.

and lets face it, you only know what i write here,
and not that i sensor myself so much because this is my safe space, where people choose to get their feelings snuffed a little for reading,
but there are some things i would never put on paper because i don't want anyone to know what i've done, what a shitty person i am seriously becoming.

besides, you sound like something really nice could happen with him,
and you deserve to date and see people right there with you,
they will teach you much more than someone from almost a decade ever could.

edit: does realizing i'm a shitty person, in a shitty place whose unwilling to hurt the people that matter to me make me an adult? or do i just seem like an even shittier, scummier person? food for thought for another day.