I just talked to Jon, his mother won't let him stay with me, I'm going to ******** kill her.
I keep telling how bad I feel and how much pain I'm in and how alone I am and he just blows me off like it's nothing.
He just keeps saying it will all be okay, and I keep saying he's wrong.
I can't live on phone calls anymore.
I haven't slept in two ******** days because of him and he thinks it will all be okay?!?!
I ******** told him if he comes here this week end I'm not letting him ******** leave this house.
I'm not letting him go back home, no ******** way.
Every day I'm suffering and I have to hide it behind a smile, I always act so happy to practice what I preach.
I tell everyone else not to be sad and not to worry, but that's all I do.
I'm going to flip the ******** out at her when I see her on Friday, I will flip the ******** out I swear.
She's a fat, ugly, stupid, money hungry, cheep lazy weak annoying whore and I hope she ******** drops dead, and I will say that to her ******** face.
I've ******** had it with being alone, I'VE ******** HAD IT.
I cannot do this anymore.
I cry myself to sleep every night (If I even sleep), I wake up and I'm dead from the neck up, I got to school, and hide all my pain, and I come home and cry more.
I'm afraid I'll get as bad as I was sophomore year.
Sophomore year, I lost it, totally, I started having full on hallucinations, hearing voices, coming from mirrors and windows telling me to kill myself, I would zone out and end up in strange places.
I skipped class and ate breakfast with some friends, and they all said it seemed like I was sleeping, or high, like I couldn't see them.
I don't remember anything but going from my first period class to my third.
I'm so scared an alone.
I'm going insane, I'm full on schizophrenic.
I won't make it through the month without him here.
