This deep, empty, black hole called my soul
suppressed to the ground with the tight ropes of its weight
being kicked in the ribs by the truth
and yelled at by obligations continuously.
Never more, this pain is too great,
this eternal up hill battle becomes an endless lost.
I continue being stabbed and judged by all.
I have no friends to help me up,
no one would help me because I'm the loser whom sits alone in herself hatred;
pushing all those who try to get close anyways in shame and bitterness.
Those whom I love continue to get hurt by my darkness
and I can not save them from it;
I can not be saved.
This prison of depression silences me,
My heart has been ripped out and bleeds openly to the world that it once trusted.
From below I can see myself in the corner of hell, crying in all it's self-destruction.
Knowing the same torturous agony that is now my day to day existence.
I closed my eyes, wincing in the firy torment and still my being.
My breath grew shorter and softer until it ceased altogether.
Then I felt something different; something new.
From this above view I was free
and there was no pain,
no pain at all!
no noise,
just peace;
total peace.
As I wake from this dream of white light,
what I consider to be my hopeful afterlife,
I begin to cry feeling my pains returning
with new sharp inhale.
Each one bringing a fresh scream
with each new blow,
and the thought comes again
Why live in this pain?