Just to let you know, that was not in honor of international talk like a pirate day.
That was pure frustration.
I'm a b***h.
An immature b***h.
I know this, so why can't I fix it?
There are now two guys who refuse to speak to me and most likely hate me because of this fact.
Yeah.
I lost another friend today.
My last one.
Of course, whether or not I ever really had him is currently under contention.
My stupid brain.
Stupid Me.
I feel like crying, I really do.
Do normal people have people they can actually talk to about this kind of thing without feeling selfish or stupid?
I don't mean nessecarily someone their age, but at least SOMEONE to talk to?
Or am I just assuming things?
I've been thinking a lot about being and becoming an adult, mostly due to my conversations with Austin, who I still haven't gotten around to telling I like him. [[darn the bad luck...]]
When we're adults, do we think differently?
Do things make more sense?
Or do we just get better at hiding the fact that we don't understand?
When I'm 20, and in college, have a job of my own, and am paying for everything I do with the money I earned, will I still feel like a little girl when I realize I've fallen in love?
When I have children of my own, will I still kill myself slowly with the pain of my friends?
Will I still have my crazy bipolor moments?
Will I still have moments where nothing will seem like it's ever going to be okay again?
Will I still be incapable of telling people what I mean eloquently?
Will I still have no way of expressing myself through music, art, writing, or speech?
Will I still have dreams where horrible things happen to everyone dear to me?
Will I still think of killing myself?
Will any of us?
Maybe I don't really want to find out.
Because I'm afraid I'll stay the way I am.
 Maer^ier · Fri Sep 22, 2006 @ 02:07am · 0 Comments |
