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Cuddles
Alot has happened, and things just keep on coming. I feel the need to stop for a second, and take a deep breath, hoping it'll be over in a few minutes..a few hours, or maybe a few days. Whether it's bad or good it never just asks to come, it slaps me in the face.
But yesterday, I almost began to feel that everything was clearing up. I was somewhat back on track with mother, and at the most I was happy. I was smiling and I was having a good time, at school hanging with friends despite the fact I knew there was going to be a storm of blacks after school that would yell at me and harass me.
I got done with swimming, and when Mary started crying because of a simple twin day matter, it made me reminisce about how our twin days were back at school. For a few minutes, I became really sad, but I thought 'it's in the past, and it's a memory. Whether not I choose to cherish it is my business, and if I wish to throw it away to do it then.' but I didn't. I just knew that I couldn't go back to change something that would most likely end up happening anyway. I merely then smiled at her and told her no matter what happened there were always others who would be behind her back, and she smiled back at me. It made me feel warm, giving a small slab of advice to my senior friend. Afterwards I walked out, and then outside.
I hugged Michaela, and left, telling her to call me when she was ready to pick me up, and went along my way to the car. When I got in, everyone looked at me in a strange way, and I knew something had happened.
Mom tried to help me forget, and to direct my attention away from the loss of my little friend by going to the mall. I got three new shirts, but i didn't care. I wanted my little boy, and I wanted to see if this was just another lie my mom was putting me through.
It wasn't till I heard "Brandon, Autumn, don't tell Ashley," that I knew it had happened. At first I didn't want to believe it, but mom made it so I couldn't believe it until 10 last night. Michaela had moved all our plans to today, where we would go down to the Mississippi and tour and forget, for she too lost her cat on the same day I lost my friend.
Cuddles has passed away from my hold, and mother broke a promise. For the entire night I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't stop crying. My little sleeping buddy wasn't right beside me, curled up against me with his fluffy warmth. He wasn't there to wake me up and turn around and lick my face and then do a dance to signal he had to go potty.
He wasn't there to bark at me when we all got home. He wasn't there to sit on that chair that he always does and curls up, whimpering because nobody would sleep with him and he knew when everyone else was asleep I'd break mother's rule and bring up the lonely boy into the room.
Mother regrets it, that's for sure. She says she was sorry she couldn't wait any longer, and sorry that she couldn't help me treat my buddy right. I don't know. I feel broken inside. Sure, it's...just a dog, but to me he was one of my best friends.
And he's gone. Just like that. No going with him during school to say my last goodbye to him. To scratch his behind leg and watch it shake and giggle when he whined for more.
She forgot to bring me along to say goodbye, and I regret it horribly. If now is the time to feel what my other friend went through, I at least wanted a fair warning.. I've had too much go on to let it keep coming.
My poor baby. Rest in peace. Wait for me on that rainbow bridge, for I know I can't forget the little guy who stood by my side when I thought I was alone. Wait for me. I'll come to you soon...hopefully.
Now I know I was never alone... or maybe, I am.
I miss him so much...
Jan. 03 1997 - Oct. 06 2006
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