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Merry Christmas..?
Mood: Depressed.. Lonely
Listening too: The sound of company upstairs =-.-=

Christmas.. The holiday I honestly hate more then any other.. What is there to be so happy about..? *Shakes head* My mothers off doing drugs and selling herself for crack, My father is an a*****e who isnt capable of any real love.. he doesn't even know me.. He's never even tried. Everyone keeps asking what I wan't for christmas.. But god isnt this all obvious..? What I wan't for christmas isnt a cell phone.. or a Camera.. It's to have my family together.. Even if they hate eachother, Even if one cant stand the other.. even if it's just pretending to get along for a few hours.. I can handle that.. Each time I watch a christmas movie, and familys are together.. laughing.. together.. I just want to cry, Because thats something I've never really had.. Sure.. life with my grandparents was nice.. but it's not the same.. There's nothing I wuldnt do, just to have my mother be honest with me for once, to be like we used to be before she abandoned me, Or to be able to be daddys little girl.. You'd think with all the times I''ve been left that I'd be used to the pain of people I care about leaving.. well.. I'm not.. I'm so out of place among the people I have grown up with my entire life.. as of right now.. it feels like theres nothing here for me anymore, I want to branch out on my own and leave all the pain I've been caused behind.. I just want it all to go away.. I want to erase the memories I've been forced to deal with.. I just want to be happy.. But even if I did become very happy.. it would disappear.. Because thats how everything in my life has gone so far.. It gives me something to be happy about.. and it takes that happiness away not to long after I get it, and it kicks me back on the ground, back where I started.. *Sighs* God I dont know what to say anymore.. I need a hug..