• Everybody goes through something, however tragic or meaningful that thing may be, that dramatically impacts their life. Some go through more than others, some less. Then there’s those few, those select few, that don’t want people to pity them, they don’t think of themselves as victims at all but more as a chosen one. Someone chosen to be put through a test, a test of strength, a test of mental ability, a test to see if they will crack under the pressure, under the stress. I’m one of those people and this is my story. I tell it in hopes that you too will learn from it as others have in the past.
    His name is unimportant. The only thing you need to know is that he was the one they all called “Irresistible”. He was the star of the school, he was Mr. Popular. Everyone had at least heard of him once, there wasn’t one person that hadn’t. Even the students at the high school had heard of him and his charm. My best friend introduced me to him seventh grade year. He soon decided that I would be his next girlfriend, his Mrs. Popular. There was no questioning my mind. He had swept me off my feet from the moment I laid eyes on him. The answer was to be yes. We dated all of seventh grade year and on into summer. We were inseparable and in many people’s eyes, a dream couple.
    It happened July 3rd, 2007. The most unforgivable sin a person can commit on a woman, something no woman I have ever met can come to forget or forgive. He wanted me more than I wanted him and he didn’t like that. He wanted something more and I was to give it to him or get out. I offered my alternative but apparently it was never an actual option. He stole something from me that I can never get back and I never will. My innocence was taken from me and I’m the one that has to live with that. It doesn’t even matter to him, not anymore. He had betrayed me. He went against everything he had ever told me, everything he had ever said was worthless now. I stayed all July 4th weekend. I didn’t know who to tell, I didn’t know if I could. He threatened me. If I told anyone, he would surely kill me. He had threatened me with my life. I was only 13 at the time, still a child, barely a teen. He too was 13 but he thought of himself not as a child but as a man, a full grown, mature man.
    I cut him off completely. I quit accepting his calls and shielded my face from the world to hide my shame. My friends noticed my strange turn of behavior and began to worry but it didn’t matter all that mattered was I had been taken advantage of and I couldn’t tell a soul. Even my mom began to find me strange and soon pulled me aside to ask me my problem. I lied, sort of. I told her what had happened but not that it was against my will. The next thing I knew my mom was crying, talking on the phone with his mom explaining that I was two and a half months along. He lied too, of course what else would a murderer do. That’s what I called it anyway, murder. He had murdered me inside and out and even if he didn’t care, I did and that’s all that mattered. I was 13 and pregnant.
    I spent most of my eighth grade year at home in a constant state of nauseousness. The morning sickness came, on average, at least six times a day, every day. Mom was in full support of my decision to go through with the pregnancy and promised to be with me every step of the way, which she was. We had the bag for the hospital packed four months in advance. I had a name picked out at eight months into the pregnancy. His name would be Drake. January 26th, 2008, at 14 years old, I went into premature labor at 34 weeks. I expected the ear piercing screams. I expected the windows to shatter and the pale green paint on the walls to peel but what I didn’t expect was silence and that’s exactly what I got.
    The pain of my loss was more than I could handle. All I knew is that he was gone, forever, never to return to this god forsaken place they call earth. How can someone share so much love for someone they have rarely seen? I wasn’t sure but I knew that no matter what happened in the next 85 years of my life he would always be number one in my heart. All I wanted to do was lie down. I was numb all over like no emotions would ever be shed from my soulless body again. That’s how I felt without him, soulless, worthless, like half of me was missing. I lay there in my bed, eyes open and breathing steadily, just staring at the wall. Why me? How come I have to be the one to hurt like this when there was someone out there who is worthy of this pain I am feeling. I will never hear his cries, or smell his skin. I can never touch him and I don’t know who to blame. Some people just don’t realize just how good they’ve got it. I know this is something that happens every day and people think because I was 13 and 14 at the time that I can’t possibly know what I am feeling. Well I do and I probably feel it ten times stronger that most people. My mom, she raised me well and I know what love is and how it works. I know what not to do and what not to say. I never planned to be a mom at 13 and I don’t think god planned it either but I know how I feel and I know I can deal with it at least for now.
    Today I'm 15 but then I was 13, and 14, and I felt things that I never imagined a human being could feel. How can one person be in so much agony? It was as though this force was unleashing its power inside my body and wouldn’t release itself until I gave in but I never did and now I can tell my story so that the young people who think all is lost can say “ well she did it then so can I, what makes me so different from her?” The truth of the matter is we are all the same. In many ways we are different yes but we all have the ability to work through our problems even if we need help from some few people along the way. If someone wants to help then let them. I still make the mistake about not wanting to talk to anyone about what’s going on in my mind but someday and I don’t know when that may be but someday I will tell my story to the world. I never thought that anything bad would ever happen to me in my perfect little life but it did and looking back on it, it doesn’t seem so perfect anymore.