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Dear Reader;
Heh, another drawing for you! This is what no sleep does to me... makes me draw creepy dark pictures.
I've been noticing a lot of under-the-skin issues out there since my return... and I deeply regret not being here for those months I missed. Though I know some prefered me to have remained gone, I'm determined to change their minds... though sometimes I want to get involved with some of the problems... I think, given my current standing in the totem pole, I'm in no position to interject and add my opinion. Right now, I have to concentrate on showing people that I can be civilized... unlike I have been for most of this year.
My lingering feelings for Nny has been the fuel of my last 'epic' battle, and now, I'm really regretting ever taking part in that stupid revolt... let alone being the head of it. I mean, I could have handled it so much more dignified... but I just came across as a feral cat biting and spitting at people instead. So, I'm guessing the public opinion of me currently is very low...
I'm trying my best to repair my broken reputation here as a good guy. I've already achieved the forgiveness (at least, that I hope I have) of two very important people in my life, and for that, I'm very grateful and relieved. I just have to maintain a positive attitude here.
It's really hard though... because old feelings in me are reawakened quite easilly. However, I've abandoned my jealousy of Frost and replaced it with respect for the one who truly deserves her... so anyone who is afraid that I may relapse, do not fret... I intend no further harm on the avians than I already have done...
I've already composed a letter of resignation (?) to the avians, hoping that I can dim any hate that may be burning over there... but I guess it's mostly an assurance to myself that I won't try to do any more harm to them then I already have....
I'd use the word 'repent', but that sits in my stomach oddly.
I can't abandon my feelings for her... but I'll try to channel it in a way that won't be intrusive on their romance... either keep it private or just make those feelings become something else...
As for Ember, I do have to admit, I was albiet surprised that she and Kharras did not end up together... but she did say once that after Skye, she'd quit on love...or something like that... and Kharras doesn't quite strike me as the settling type... but what do I know? I'm a pest... but I am happy that Ember loves him... she's not alone. I'm happy for both Nny and Ember that they were fortunate to find people who care...
*Sighs* Ahh... remembering my friends brings me absolute heartache. I start shivering all over. I want really badly to pick up the phone and dial all of them... but I don't know their numbers... I ignored Skye every time he offered me some comfort, so obtaining his number was not an option, and Brent moved right after I punched him in the face and said to never speak to me again.
... Yeah... I did that...
Monika's death left a horrible scar in my heart. I hated my friends that they couldn't fall as low as I did when she died. I've always been unstable, sensitive, overemotional... and Monika's death just threw me into a chaotic spiral. It's been a really hard year on me...
I charted out a timeline... and it's composed of nothing more than one unfortunate event after another built up to the here and now. I'd love to recollect them all, but everyone here knows full well what's been turning Kyle Winters into a psychotic demon...
I hate it that I channeled my aggression and despair out in such horrible ways... I was in a "take you down with me" hostile take-over... and it sucks horribly that here I am... November, sitting alone in the dark on my computer, friendless, loveless, and full of so many regrets, I can't count them all...
The most I can do is redeem myself by being as much of a friend as I possibly can be here... offer what everyone needs... I'm going to try to be selfless for once.
I'll probably update later on after the day has actually begun...
Until then,
-Rozen
 Rozencard · Fri Nov 16, 2007 @ 10:37am · 2 Comments |
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