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Chapter 1: The ye old Narwhale hole

Margaret: Miss Endy, your so kind nyo~!
Me: Yes my child. Now, let's go out kicking those narwhal in the bal- Ii ii mean, let's just go eat. What? It's men's country and I'm ready for some ACTION. Got my mace right here...
Margaret: But Miss Endy, there be no pirates out there.
Endy: Dahlin, if you aren't prepared you could get it up the rectum by a devilish Narwhal, who just got dumped by his male friend.
Margaret: O____________________O;
Endy: Now stop being all googly eyed and let's pop us some fishes.
Margaret: ...hey, what does rectum mean?
Endy: O_______O Wha-whatwhatwhat?!! Who taught you that word? Never EVER say that again! Now, pass me the bourbon.
Margaret: You did. You said it just now.
Endy: Bourbon? Yes, my child. It's that stuff in the glass bottle, over by the animal crackers. I wonder why that's there, actually. Hmm.
Margaret: Oh dear. I thought that was apple juice. No wonder I felt so awful the other night.
Endy: Apple juice? Gah, there is a distinct difference between the juices of an apple and that of alcoholic beverage. There is no way you weren't chugging that down without second thoughts.
Margaret: It tasted like the stuff in the orphanage. How was I supposed to know? Plus, it looks exactly the same!
Endy: Yeah, uh huh. Your not even 10 yet and your already an alcoholic! Great, my reputation as a parent is ruined. First rectum, now this...
Margaret: o-o; *takes out the apple juice from the fridge, sits it next to the bottle of bourbon* Yes. Yes it is.
Endy: Oh s**t. It does. Oh my god, I just got the best idea. Child, let us run down to the dollar store. We wants more apple juice.
Margaret: Yes, momma.
Endy: Now, if we buy, let's say, 10 bottles of apple juice, dump them out and fill them with bourbon, then that'd be enough for the year ahead at your father's baseball and football games.
Margaret: but they only allow water!
Endy: Dammit kid. You spoil everything. You might as well get some boobs. HEY. We'll just give you some leverage up there with these bottles...
Margaret: My life is over. x-x;
Endy: Nonsense, kiddo. This is only the beginning! Soon you're butt will perk up and you'll be set. Now let's get down to that old ye fishing hole before your father comes home in a fit cuz dinner hasn't started.