ok- this day was going so great-i even had ice cream and had watched anime-but now everybody knos something thati don't feel like dealing with and its all my oldest sisters fault...i'm so freakin mad at her-she' torn my family aprt over and over agian and i've tried so hard to become a bridge to help bring us closer like we used to be and now she's really !%*&#@ it all up again.....i'm about to kill myself-not literally-i think????-and now our entire family(its huge -i have like 29 aunts and uncles just on my mom's side-no exaggerating)knows---it's all her fault i wish she would just disappear and use that time to become a human because right now she's just a low-life,good-for-nothing-but-hatred-and-anger, son of a &!@%$......
i just don't know what to do anymore and i haven't been allowed to tell anybody and its just been so freakin hard to wake up each day in fear that somebody might find out what stupid things she's done...i can't live my life a lie and that's what ppl are askin me to do...the feeling i have is like waking up and finding all of your friends dead and that it's all your fault..because that's what its like-metaphorically...i wake up in fear that everybodys gonna kno and that they're somehow find a way to blame me....and that's a lot of pressure because stuff like this has been going on for two years ever since she ran away-yea-my sister ran away form home 2 yrs ago and i remeber it so well because at the time i had a broken leg and i remeber begging her not to go -i even laid in front of her car to stop her from going-my dad dragged me away from her across our stone driveway and all i could do was watch her drive away-i even tried to get up and run after her-but that's extremely hard with a broken leg stressed



i have to go b4 my mom reads this