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Today was the day of the Fair Parade.
I had fun and all, I got to see a lot of my friends and a lot of new people that I guess could be my friends.

But, as Tim and I talked about the weekend plans we wanted to make (him stay at my house then me and Darius stay at his house) my stupid self decided that it can't be me AND Darius. So I told him that it should just be Darius considering their current situation and that I would get in the way.

He hasn't responded, so I'm guessing that means my stupid self ruined what could have been a great weekend. But, it's no different to me now. I can never get what I want, so I'll get over it.

I just hope I haven't screwed up our friendship in the process.
Not only would that break my heart, but, I'd lose the one person who matters most to me right now. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I love him, but I don't love him, because I'm straight and all.

I hate my life and it's no one but my stupid self's fault. I always screw up everything and that's why I don't seek relationships and probably why I had my jealous episode when Tim was dating Bryderick. But, it doesn't matter, my pessimistic side is telling me it's better this way and that Tim is dancing the happy dance.