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1. Well, it's 2010 now. A new decade. A new year. A lot happened last year and I expect a lot will happen this year. This is my graduation year, after all. Soon I'll be off to college and living out in the world. Will I make it? I don't know. But probably. I have a way of pulling through and I have a lot of people who love and support me and who I love and support. I know the future is always open. And, I must admit, that scares me as much as it thrills me. I'll meet lots of new people and make lots of new friends. I'll go lots of places and do lots of things. Heck, I already managed that one in the last week of the old year.

2. If you've read any of my other recent journal entries, you'll know that my long distance boyfriend came up from southern California to visit me over the last week of winter break. I'm not going to even summarize what happened cause it would take way too much time and energy and some things are best left unsaid anyway. I'll just say that things went well beyond what I had expected them to (in a good way) and that I had a lot of fun. Also, some self doubt and other insecurities vanished as we spent time together. I really had a lovely time. Even though neither of us are ever really cuddly people to others, we fell into the groove of cuddling with each other almost immediately and it was really nice. Have you ever been with someone where you felt that you could be you without fear or been so comfortable around someone that it was more than natural just to be with them? It was like that. Of course, we had our angsty moments. What do you expect with a couple of emotionally odd teens being stuck together for a week? But those moments weren't frequent. We even got lucky and his flight back was cancelled and rescheduled a day later. It's kind of sad now, though. He's gone and the house is empty. I cried all through dropping him off at the airport and going home. It's really lonely. And we have to get back to the limitations of the internet, too. While he was here, there was no need for a lot of the things that we have to do to connect through the web, so it's a hard transition.

3. Going on the above topic, I'm going to call this "Forbidden Fruit Syndrome" ~ the feeling you get when you have a little taste of something you want so badly it kills you and then it gets taken away. The feeling of losing something you might never have had to begin with.

4. And that brings us to the topic of goodbyes. I hate goodbyes. Hate hate hate. Even if the goodbye isn't nearly as permanent as death. And, yes, I have had to say that goodbye too.... to the guy I had been in love with at the time. I know what it is to lose someone forever. It's like a little chunk of my heart breaks off and goes with the other person whenever I have to say it. My heart breaks even though I know I'll see the person again. The pain of life returning to how it used to be. Living without. Reversion. You know?

5. I am a very scent oriented person. If you know me well at all you will see that this is true. I collect soap and perfume. I know when one of my friends have left clothing in my room by smelling it. I notice the smell of a place almost before anything else. I notice the smell of people and memorize it to some extent. That being said, my nose may not be the most sensitive. It's more sensitive than others, but less sensitive than many. It just happens that I associate things with scents a little more than other people tend to.