Rant, cross-post.
Last night, I got my nightly call from Tuna, but due to a certain someone on the net, I had to cut it short. A while later, after consoling my friend Sage via a keistered connection, I decided "******** anytime minutes" and called him back.
Well..... he had himself all ready for a major cutting session... the first time in a month or so. Safety pins, no less. All set up and ready to go, just about to start when the phone rang.
... From there it was silence... a long while of it. I was hyper, oddly, maybe because of the RP. I kept rambling on..... but for all that time I'd failed to realize he was crying the whole time. At that moment, I couldn't figure what to say to him... so I would try to distract him. Didn't work. It got past the tears... into a stage of something I fear the most in him.
Total hysteria.
He was talking to himself, as if someone was there with him. Referred to no names, but gave hints, "He's being stupid.", "Tell him to go away.", and so many other things. No one else was there. He was alone. It was himself. He started threatening himself, just talking, saying all the things he could do to himself. Nasty.... fatal things. He would listen to me, but get mad at himself because a side of him wasn't listening to me. He went off a few times, set the phone down to go yell at himself, telling this other person that wasn't there that I didn't need to hear it, that he was just annoying me, that I didn't want to know all this. I kept thinking, "Yes I do! You're not annoying! I care about you! I want to be here!"
Eventually he got past listening to me at all... the tears started up a little again, then came the physical stress..... He started panicking as he realized what he had been doing... mainly to me. I started crying... he heard it... and he saw what was going on, finally. For the next half-hour or hour, it was pure sobbing....
....... and if I could have been crying too... I would be wailing the same things... like, he was a mindreader.
Then he started coming back to himself, I was trying my hardest to console him... and he started suddenly saying how he needed me... how he loves me and he didn't want me to... well... die....
... just out of nowhere.
I was thinking... "Damn... he DOES worry about me... more than even when I do act like that."
And...... soon the tears came to an end... we talked out what just happened, as he couldn't remember... and he thanked me for being there for him. Over and over.
And for once he told me.... he felt better.
...... this has seldom happened.
.... </rant>
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