Well once again I have my eyes fulls of tears because of all that is happening... they have been like that since 6 years ago (seven next month)...
I still dont know well how they meet each other I just know that one day my mother came to pick me up and start talking about him... I didnt know who was him until one day she told me lets go to visit him and well I was only 13 so I couldnt decide that much... I just know that since the day we moved with him all my suffering started.
My opinion, feelings and my own way to do things stop existing in that house, I had to do all he wanted and my mother never said anything... I was feeling like I needed to be the perfect daugther to him but I needed my space, be able to do what I wanted to do but he never let me cuz he was the one who rules...
All weeks was something new. I was only able to smile only for 1 month max. but the other days were all full of tears... I felt slowly how I dive into depresion, nothing coulded make me smile and I was always feeling like a piece of crap, I used to wonder why I was still alive if my life didnt really ment something... until I started to think on finish with my life, but what the hell I was scared of death I was never able to do it...
So after the months passed I lost all thrust to my mother, and blame my self always to keep believing him when he said lets change it all and stop the fightings... that was only for a week before he blame me again if something was wrong...
I took 6 years until finally my mother open her eyes and decide to get divorced...
It has passed 5 months since she started the divorced thing and it havent end, the worst of all is that sometimes she treats me like he used to so sometimes I get kinda depresed... Like today... she was all good mood until I told her that Im not gonna pay the car licence if the car still with his name, she just started to insult me again and told me that I wasnt the one to decide...
I hate this situation I was about to tell her that anything of this wouldnt happen if she didnt married this guy in the first place...
But what I hate now its that she might be doing the same mistake dont giving her self time before be dating other person...
So I think some of this explain why my attitude and my fears sometimes...
 Sweet`Angel · Sun May 07, 2006 @ 11:53pm · 2 Comments |
