Tuesday Jan. 20, 05
Going to visit Kanjasi this weekend. Can’t wait to see him. I must gush on him.
Wow, that was uncharacteristic. Huh. Damn.
I want to cry right now.
I have to cry right now.
I can’t cry right now.
I… am really tired.
Wednesday Jan. 21, 05
Here is my disorganized brain on paper.
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~
Kill me. Die. Breath. Sleep. Hot. Cold. Save me. Don’t. Make up my mind. Loser. Pathetic. Schizo. Psychotic. You hate me. Admit it! You ******** hate me! Don’t lie to me anymore. I know you’re sweet. I know you’re good. I know you think hate is wrong. Don’t lie to me. You hate me. Hate me. HATE me. Don’t suffer with me anymore. Hate me like I hate me. ~~ ~~ Hate IS wrong. ~~ ~~ ~~ Sin for my sake. ~~ ~~ ~~ Who would want this? ~~ ~~ I do. ~~ ~~ I love you. Don’t love me. ~~ ~~ I love you. Be free of me. ~~ ~~ I should have gotten over this. I can’t stop crying. Cry, miserable pathetic ROT. Oh, God…
I want someone to hold me. Hold me and sing me to death. ~~ I feel ~ so ~~~ cold. ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ cold. ~~~ ~~~ cold. ~~~ ~~~ cold.
~~~ ~~~ empty. ~~~ ~~~
Alyssa… My Karalina… Still gone, my love… I never deserved you. It’s my own fault. My angel. My only. I miss you. I love you. I need your touch, your face, your essence in some way. Without you it’s so cold… freezing… blood ~~~~ ice ~~~~~ death ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I LOVE YOU
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