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i guess i cant avoid it forever, so here is my goodbye to all of you.

my school year started off well, i was nervous, but ready to get back to seeing my friends. i learned a lot from this year, the good and the bad, and i learned a lot about myself. i learned where my breaking points lie, and what causes me to break in the first place. the reasons i break? i will keep most of them to myself.
i gained new friends, and lost some too, ive given up on some things, and found new things to strive for. but some of my biggest regrets have been formed this past year too. regrets like becoming too jelous over little things, or too over-protective. regrets like, hurting myself to get rid of pain and therefore going down some unwanted paths. and regrets like trying to be someone im not just to satisfy others.
ive been loved, cherished, hurt, and unwanted throughout this year, and ive learned to live through it all.
ive learned more about my friends, less about my family, and come closer to my boyfriend then ever. ive lost all hope, gained that hope back, and lost it again when i found out i was moving to missouri.
so ending out my year, ive come to wish for better things, but instead have become increasingly scared of my future and of the ones around me. im scared to sleep at night for fear of horrible dreams of someone i love leaving me for someone i do not trust. im scared to eat sometimes, for fear of my mother making comments about my weight again and therefore pushing me into an unwanted eating disorder again. and im the most scared of letting myself open up, and expressing whats on my mind, for fear of hurting a loved one or fear of starting even more drama with a person ive mentioned before....
to this girl: i am deeply deeply sorry.

"Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on."
-Samuel Butler

never has this quote been as true as it is for me now. ive learned that no matter where i go in life, i must take it one step at a time, and sometimes, i'll have to take that step blindly, but at least its a step. (now, whether its a step in the right direction, i wont know till i get there.)
when i began this school year, i had no idea what lied ahead. but now that its over, and i look back at it, i can see that ive generally taken the right steps to lead me to where i am today. but i wouldnt have been able to take these steps if it wasnt for my friends and boyfriend. thank you so much, all of you. you have all made a big impact on my life, and i'll never forget you, and ill never forget this year.
i love you all, and goodbye.