I saw a forum post asking the community what their goals are.
Mine was the basic get a house, quit my job and find out what I actually want to do.
Well how come I feel like I have to have a house and to quit my job to figure that out? I figured if I quit my job I could then do all sorts of volunteer things because there is no real commitment and I would learn all sorts of things along the way.
Well I know that is not going to happen, not if I continue on the way I've been going. I am too scared to go to the bank and interact with someone to sign up for a credit card not that they would refuse me. If I'm too scared to go do these simple things and wait until I'm literally forced to do these things on account of having no other alternative then why would I go around volunteering for things. Especially since I don't really like people and volunteering means interacting with more people.
So why do I think I need to get the house and quit my job to find out what I want out of life? Am I depressed and that's why I don't feel like I have any passions or real interests anymore? Or have I just not looked hard enough? Have I relied too hard on waiting for life to HAPPEN to me like it does in the movies? I mean I know that's not how you find your happiness.
Well what DO I know?
I know that if I stay at home the more stir crazy I get while simultaneously convince myself that going outside is bad. It's strange that the more stir crazy in my home I get the more I want to shut myself in and refuse to go outside and or interact with anyone. It shouldn't even work like that.
I know that I am very fortunate.
I know that I am loved by so many people it's unsettling.
I know that when I do finally "get out" I feel more empowered.
I know that I feel like I'm wasting my time and not putting value in it.
I know that animals are important to me.
I know that I'm very impatient and quick to be angry.
I know that I need a good humbling.
I know I have an ego that can outshine the sun
I know that currently, unless I am truly inspired I will not do ANYTHING unless forced to do it.
I know that I love to create when I feel moved to do it.
I know that despite how I feel about people I am really good with them.
I know that despite how I feel about people I am surprised by how much I can enjoy them too
I know that I love finding solutions to problems more than cheese.
I know that I love cheese.
I know that I can't rely on just myself anymore and perhaps need someone to make sure I'm doing all I could be doing instead of slacking off.
I know that I'm wasting natural talents that I have by doing absolutely nothing.
I know that I need to start a voyage on the my grandfather's ship that has been left to me but I don't know where.
These are the things I know so what do I with it? What do I do about it?
Do I make little goals for each day and accomplish them? Yes I think. Then maybe work my way up. Snow ball my goals like a mother ********.
I think of affirmations again. I'm not telling myself in the morning because I forget to during the foggy morning routine so maybe I need to say it before bed because of the whole "better late than never".
Susurrations Community Member 
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